Alice
Originally published on August 20th, 2019
I feel like Alice, always one step behind.
Never knowing who to look for, or who I’ll eventually find.
Racing through the forest and dashing through the trees,
Stuck in a bottle while floating on the sea.
I feel too big for this house, yet too small for this world.
How do some people fit, and others, like me, only twirl?
I’m too much of some things, yet others not enough.
I’m often stuck in the middle, and yeah, it’s rough.
Everyone who is trying to be something, is getting tired of trying.
Tired of searching, and tired of crying.
And I am feeling lost and I don’t think I’ll be found anytime soon.
I’m waiting for good things while staring at the moon.
If the best ones are mad, then I feel quite sane.
Because the best ones aren’t simple, and I’m stuck feeling plain.
All of them, way out there, have dreams to be lived,
And while I too have my plans, I’m convinced I’ve been outbid.
So I’ll have to find Wonderland, because they’re all mad there.
I’ll use my imagination, and try not to be scared.
Because I do believe in the impossible, and I know forever is short,
I have dreams to be dreamed, and my plans I won’t thwart.
Here I go now, one foot then the other.
A rabbit hole of dreams, another and another
Through Wonderland I’ll go, though I’m not sure if I’ll fit.
But because I believe in magic, I know I will find it.
What I Wish I Knew Before Starting College
Originally published on August 10th, 2019
About a year ago, I made a list of all the things I worried about with starting college. It included everything from worrying about not finding friends, to what to do if I got sick, to being scared about what would happen if it got too hard. As I went through the last school year, I kept a running list of the things I wish I’d known beforehand. Some of these are probably only applicable to, but hopefully others can serve a more general audience. Also, even though I say I wish I’d known these things beforehand, I’m kind of happy I didn’t. One thing I’m thankful for about the past year is that I didn’t know everything. Leaving room for the surprises has been difficult, but incredibly rewarding.
1. Being sick in college is the absolute worst. It’s worse than you think it’ll be.
But you’ll get through it anyway. I was sick my first week of classes and then again during finals week of Fall Quarter. I also got sick for both tech weeks (oddly enough, the worst day was always the Wednesday, which meant I was sick both times pictures were taken and stressed about getting enough sleep before the Thursday when there would be an audience for the first time. Fun days, those ones). My worst experience being sick at school was definitely the first time it happened. I was stressed about starting school, I felt incredibly lonely, and all I wanted to do was go home to my familiar bed with my familiar people. Still, I got through it and everything was okay. I have good stories out of all the times I’ve had a cold this year, and, fortunately, I have a collection of remedies that I know work so hopefully I’ll have more healthy days for round two.
2. The first few nights are awful.
Sometimes I avoided people, watched Netflix comedy specials, called my mom, and wrote in my journal. Also, on my very first night I left my key in my dorm when I went to take a shower, and sat outside my dorm until an RA from three floors up saw me and went to get my own RA. Sometimes the nights are really hard. There is nothing quite like being alone in a dorm room surrounded by all of your stuff but still feeling like everything is strange. I really think it’s a feeling that’s unique to the beginning of college. The only thing I have to say about it is that the only way to get through it, is to get through it. Remember that no one is perfectly okay at the beginning, no matter how it may seem. And remember that, as awful as the first few nights are, there are worse nights for better reasons. You’ll have nights where you’re stressed about tests and problems with friends and all sorts of things. Looking back, those nights for me were worse. It’s an odd comfort, but it might help.
3. The school/work/social life balance is a lot harder than some people make it seem.
I remember that after the first few weeks were over I was stunned at how well adjusted people seemed. I felt as though I was juggling a billion things and somehow drowning at the same time, and everyone else seemed… fine. First of all, they’re not. No one adjusts to so much change in an instant. But, some people do have an easier time with the school/work/social life (and sleep) balance than others. Now, if you’re wondering how to make the balance a bit easier, I’m still not the person to talk to. I still wonder (almost daily) how to keep everything afloat. But, the thing is, it does get easier as time goes on. After you figure out what you’re new priorities are and you start making plans according to those things, a lot starts to fall into place. College is stressful, yes, but nowadays, I feel more like I’m just juggling, not drowning at the same time.
4. I am not an English major.
As I’ve said before, I was happy as an English major for about two weeks (with one of those weeks being orientation). I went into college knowing I wanted to act after I left, and I figured I might as well spend my time majoring in something I liked since I couldn’t major in drama. After a couple weeks, however, I realized I needed to feel like what I was studying had a personal purpose behind it, and being an English major wasn’t feeling like that. I still love reading, and writing, and talking about the things I read and write. I just don’t want to do those things for a living.
5. I am not a Social Work major.
I actually really loved being a Social Work major, I just don’t want to be a Social Worker. I figured out pretty quickly that I liked learning about how people and groups of people think, but being a Sociology major didn’t feel like it had a real personal purpose, either. I loved being a Social Work major because the classes I took allowed me to learn more about people, while still feeling like I was on the road towards being a drama therapist (which is a career I discovered through asking people about what it was like to major in Social Work). I loved it, but I didn’t love having to constantly explain that I didn’t want to be a Social Worker. So, I changed to Global Communication. Which, honestly, feels a lot like English and Social Work combined.
6. It is okay to change your major.
I went into college with a plan. An eleven year plan, I might add. And then, two weeks later, the plan was shredded. It’s okay to change your major, because you are changing. I am not at all the same person I was when I started my Freshman year. It simply wouldn’t make sense for the person I am now to be an English major. It’s okay to change your major. It’s okay to change your major a bunch of times. We all take different paths to get to the places we’re supposed to end up.
7. Sometimes finding your people takes a bit longer than expected.
I think one of the reasons each quarter of the last year feels so different in my mind is because I was surrounded by different people for each of them. There was a bit of carryover, which I’m thankful for, but for the most part I surrounded myself with very different people in the fall, in the winter, and in the spring. Going into it, I assumed I’d find my people right away, but that really wasn’t the case. If anything, it was a bit of trial and error mixed with finding people who are passionate about the same things I am. Brené Brown calls these people “like-minded spirits,” and I definitely have to agree. It can take awhile to find them, but when you do it’s well worth it.
8. It really will be okay.
Even on days that are the worst of the worst, everything passes. There’s a reason I keep a reminder on my phone every two weeks of the things I’m worried about- it tells me that it’s okay now, so the thing I’m currently worried about will eventually be okay too. College is hard, and figuring it out is harder. But, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that surrounding yourself with the right people and finding out what you’re good at helps an awful lot.
September-May ❤️❤️❤️
15 More Things to Do When You're Anxious and/or Depressed
Originally published on August 03rd, 2019
Almost a year and a half ago I made a list with 50 things I do when I’m feeling anxious and/or depressed. This list became something that I started turning to when I needed a reminder of what makes me feel better when I’m not feeling my best. Last week, when I was having a hard day, I went to the list and looked through it, only to discover that a lot of things I’ve started doing in the past year weren’t on it. Since starting college and experiencing so many new things, I’ve started to cope with negative emotions in new ways. Sure, there are lots of things on the original list (like going for walks or drinking tea) that definitely still help, but there are a few more things that I tend to turn to more often now. So here is an updated list of sorts, with 15 more things to do if you’re feeling anxious and/or depressed.
Sing
Research something you find interesting
Or stop researching something you’ve been thinking about too much
Call/Skype a friend
Go see a friend in real life
Turn off social media for a little while
Cross one thing off your to-do list (even if it’s a little thing, because the little things are often the hardest)
Or cross something off your to-do list that you don’t need to do today, and then move it to another day when you’ll be feeling better
Diffuse essential oils (orange is my favorite right now)
Put the news away
Consider if maybe you’re spending too much time with the wrong people.
Stretch.
Watch poetry videos (Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye are my favorites!)
Take a nap
Massage your hand (it releases oxytocin)
If you’re curious about the original list of 50 things, click here.
The One Where I Miss Washington: July 2019
Originally published on July 31st, 2019
Monday, July 01st- As the saying goes, today was a lazy, hazy, crazy day of summer (minus the crazy). I woke up later than usual which kinda threw everything else off, and I’m definitely not in the most positive of head spaces. Summer is always a weird season for me because I never know what it’s going to be like. Last July I was spending three-five nights with a theatre company, and then towards the end I spent eight days in France and Luxembourg. Last July was really good, and I miss it. This July is still so unknown, which I’m trying to be thankful for. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to drink some coffee and hope my mood perks up.
Tuesday, July 02nd- Back at the beginning of June, I told Emma that I was pretty sure the first two weeks of July would be the hardest. My reasoning was that I’d get home in the middle of June and have a couple weeks of pure laziness to adjust to summer, plus a road trip with my mom to central and southern California. However, once July hit, I would have two weeks before (hopefully) starting my volunteer work with the place I received counseling back in 2018. Those two weeks have officially hit, and I realized this morning that I was completely correct- so far it’s been rough, but I guess it has only been two days. Emma suggested I really get to work on the whole driver’s license thing, but when I went to make an appointment for my driving test, I discovered that there are no available appointments until after my permit is not longer valid. So, the new plan is to just get to work on practicing my driving, go renew my permit (which I found out you can do, but it’s unclear as to if I have to retake the written test or not), and then take my driving test. This is literally the only thing I absolutely have to do this summer.
Wednesday, July 03rd- Today was SUCH a good day! I drove my grandparent’s car around their neighborhood as well as my own, and I’m starting to feel far more confident behind the wheel. I still have to figure out the whole permit situation, but I’m way less worried than I was yesterday or the day before. Actually, my mood today has just been an improvement from the last few days in many ways. I went to my grandparent’s house and cleaned a little bit, and on the way home we stopped at Barnes & Noble to add a few drama books to my collection (see full collection below, minus my giant Shakespeare anthology, because it’s heavy). I’m especially excited about the book of children’s play, but the one with a bunch of new works is great for when I start seriously looking for something to do for my Irene Ryan audition in February.
Thursday, July 18th - Today my mom and I went to Mendocino, CA for a the day. This was my fifth year visiting, but I think this trip was the best of them all. Mendocino is one of my favorite places in the entire world, and it was really nice to take some time and just sit on the cliffs for a little while. As it’s gone on, this month has improved. I’ve seen a couple friends (one from high school and one from college), which is always good for me to do. I also got an email from the counseling center I’m hoping to intern with about setting up an interview. Fingers crossed I have a new adventure to fill my time for the rest of the summer!
Tuesday, July 23rd - Today was a very normal day. I drove to Target and back, which isn’t exactly normal but will hopefully become so with time. I FaceTimed Emma, wrote a little bit, drank blueberry tea (a new favorite), and watched murder mysteries. It was a good day, albeit a tad slow. I have an interview tomorrow for a really cool thing that I’ll *hopefully* get to do for the rest of the summer, and while I’m a little nervous I’m still feeling good about it. It’s one of those things that I know I’d be good at, and that I think I’m even qualified for. So we’ll see… now I am off to finish an episode of Blue Bloods along with a cup of tea, and then maybe go to sleep.
Monday, July 29th - WHOO today was quite the day. I *finally* watched the movie version of A Wrinkle in Time (I’d refused to watch it when I playing Meg because I didn’t want my character interpretation to be influenced by Storm Reid’s), and boy oh boy do I have some thoughts. I literally took four pages of notes while watching it. In other news, I started my training for my summer volunteer thing today, and I’m really happy with what it’s turned out to be. I’m hoping to spend the end of my summer volunteering with the place I received counseling during my senior year of high school, and part of that includes 40 hours of training, 30 of which are classroom hours. So I have lectures, small group discussions, quizzes, tests, and homework. I’m actually really excited.
This is a very happy Claira who just got back from her first day of training and made herself some blueberry tea to celebrate.
Detox Tea Talk: July 2019
Originally published on July 23rd, 2019
A couple weeks ago I briefly caught up with a friend via Instagram messages. She’s working at camp this summer, and even though I didn’t have much to share and there wasn’t much time to say much of anything anyway, it was good to talk to her. Towards the end of our conversation, she asked me how my heart was doing. Of course, knowing her, she didn’t mean my physical heart (though, if you’re wondering, my valves, veins, and arteries are doing just fine, thank you). No, she meant my emotions, my thoughts, and my general soul. I said I was doing good, which was (and is) true.
Writing these are always so strange to me, because, like I’ve said before, they feel like public diaries. Because of that, I seem to always remember where I was when I wrote them, and generally how I was feeling at the time. Because of the whole “public diary” thing, these posts always seem to be a little more personal, a bit more vulnerable. As I was constantly told over the last school, acting is simply doing private things publicly. Conversations, physical actions, and the things you say to yourself that would normally go unpublicized are all of a sudden written in a script and performed to a group of people. It shouldn’t surprise me that writing is often similar, just without the performing bit. You tell your stories, and you write your inner most thoughts, and, sometimes, there is an audience.
But back to my heart- it’s been on a rollercoaster of sorts the last few weeks. I always need the summer in order to recharge and process the past year, but for me there is such a fine line between needing my own space and needing to be around other people. If I’m alone for too long, I sink into a depressive-like state, and because of that I find it difficult to get out of my own head and actually do something about it. The heat definitely doesn’t help much, either, especially when it’s been 100° or over this week. In general, this summer has felt a bit odd. I’m never quite sure what I’m doing, or how my mental health is. July has always been a month that feels different each year. Last year it was wonderful, and a few years ago it was awful. This year, it’s been neither. I’m feeling indifferent towards July, but I’m still trying to focus on the good things.
I drink many cups of peach tea, text Emma, and watch murder mysteries. I go on walks, and talk to my mom, and try to read a little bit every morning. I don’t write as much as I’d like, or see as many people as I probably should. Summer, as a whole, is usually a hit or miss season for me, and I’m not sure how I’ll look back on this one quite yet. I miss my friends a lot, and there is a large part of me that is waiting to go back to Washington. Still, I am trying to remember the words of Pema Chödrön, an American Buddhist nun, who says, “Whenever we are in between here and there, whenever one thing has ended and we’re waiting for the next thing to begin, whenever we’re tempted to distract ourselves or look for an escape route, we can instead let ourselves be open, curious, tentative, vulnerable.”
To put it simply, my heart is good. It’s a bit sad, and a little uncertain about how the rest of the summer will go, and a tad apprehensive about the year ahead. But it’s good. Instead of looking back or looking ahead, I am trying to remind myself that this moment, right now, is all that exists. I am trying to live in the open, the curious, the tentative, the vulnerable.
~ Claira
Part Nine of a Ten Part Poem
Originally published on July 20th, 2019
The middle school girl runs over to me with a bucket of water.
Her hair is dripping wet and her clothes are soaked through.
I sit on the bench bone dry, and she runs over and throws the water onto me.
There is a second of stillness.
I see her face change for a moment- a flicker of fear in her eyes.
I imagine how she expects me to respond, I wonder if it’s the same way I expect people to respond when I step into an unknown space-
how I assume I will be wrong.
I smile at her and begin to laugh, her face thaws and softens into laughter.
She sits next to me.
We keep laughing.
In this moment, God is in the healing-
the water a beautiful baptism of risking trust.
Chaos
Originally published on July 07th, 2019
Immediately, upon seeing that this was one of the words on the list, I thought of what my Freshman year was like. It was beautiful, messy, difficult, humorous, lovely, and absolutely chaotic. For today, I thought I would share some of the moments that stand out to me when I look back. When I think of my Freshman year, I don’t think of it as one year- I think of it as three individual parts that created the year. Each part does not feel the same as the others. It’s quite strange in a way, but it’s also kind of nice to be able to pinpoint the moments when things started to change. I’ve also left links to blog posts that I feel show the headspace I was in at the time.
Fall Quarter
I moved, I started classes, I worked for the custodial department and cleaned bathrooms. I struggled through three of my four classes (I’ve said this before, but oh my goodness my acting class really was my saving grace), which led to me FaceTiming my grandparents for math help and calling my mom in tears because my essays weren’t making sense. I spent my mornings in the library outlining literature on a whiteboard, my afternoons in acting classes and memorizing lines for scene assignments, and my nights trying my best to get a handle on my homework.
Of course, I can’t talk about fall quarter without mentioning that letter. In October, right before my midterms and the week before my birthday, I wrote a letter to the SDA church. I made the (grand) mistake of reading each comment on Facebook after Adventist Today republished it. That week was arguably the worst of my entire school year, mostly because I don’t think anyone can fully prepare themselves for such an influx of criticism from complete strangers. With that said, I am so thankful for the complete strangers who stuck of for me. You did not go unnoticed.
When I think back on fall quarter, I don’t really have the best feelings attached to it. College took a while to adjust to, and I’m glad those months are over. Still, I’m thankful they happened. I met some amazing people at the beginning, and I learned a lot of hard lessons that definitely paid off.
Blog posts that stick out:
Big Fish, Little Fish- The epiphany I had that made the transition from high school to college a little bit easier.
Why I Chose the Major (and minor!) That I Did- The part about my major is especially humorous to look back on now.
To the Seventh Day Adventist Church- I’m still not sure if I’m glad I wrote this or not.
Winter Quarter
When I think back on winter quarter, many things come to mind- sunflowers, children, ferris wheels, and Oregon. I was lucky enough to work the local theatre’s production of Calendar Girls as a dresser, and that opportunity allowed me to meet so many cool people, and I simply got be in a theatre for much of the time. For that reason, January was an amazing month. A busy one, but an amazing one nonetheless. In winter quarter I also started working with a lot of kids on Saturdays. If you think of VBS but on a weekly basis you’ll get a pretty good idea. I was also in my first college play, called Ferris Wheel, and although it went off to a rocky start, it mellowed down (for the most part), and I’m thankful for the experience. In the middle of February, I went to the KCACTF conference in Oregon. I got to spend a week learning more about theatre and be with people who are inspired by the same things I am. It was truly remarkable experience.
Throughout winter quarter, I was with people I loved, and I started to settle into a group of people that I love. I laughed a lot, and when I think back on this quarter I always do so with happiness.
Blog Posts that stick out:
Why I Changed My Major- Haha. Yeah… This is also pretty funny now.
Detox Tea Talk: January 2019- Wherein I discuss the business that was January.
Detox Tea Talk: February 2019- Wherein I discuss the business that was February.
Spring Quarter
If one thing continues to stick out from this year, it’s A Wrinkle in Time. I know I’ve officially said goodbye to it now, so I’ll try to keep this part brief. All I’ll say is that, had it not been for AWIT, spring quarter would have been completely different. Through the play, I connected with people who I didn’t know very well (if at all) at the beginning, and I can’t possibly be thankful enough. During the rehearsal season and then the run of performances, AWIT was basically the only thing I thought of. Still, I had other classes. I learned how to clearly articulate my problems with the United States in my privilege and oppression class, how to explain how media affects society in my communication and languages class, and that I’m pretty darn guarded and afraid of true vulnerability in my acting class. I also wrote a ten page paper on how drama therapy can help children cope with trauma for research writing. I was pretty busy.
After AWIT ended, my life quieted down quite a bit- aside from a scene assignment that controlled my brain for the remaining weeks. But on the whole everything got pretty quiet. I went on a lot of walks, got up early (5:30 a.m.) to study in a bakery, and started writing a little bit more. This quarter was definitely my favorite, and it is what is making me miss Washington so much right now. The people I got to know are so wonderful, and I miss them dearly. Still, to take my own advice, it’s good to miss people. It means you love and you are loved, and those are never bad things.
Blog posts that stick out:
Claira Changed Her Major Again- Oh goodness. I’m really thankful I (finally) found my academic home.
Space- My goodbye to A Wrinkle in Time
Hands- A poem that summarizes my entire Freshman year, really, but especially spring quarter.
Bloom
Originally published on July 01st, 2019
I got to Washington on a Saturday night. It was a warm evening in late September, and I was chest deep in far too many emotions to know what to do with them. Soon after arriving in the small Pacific North West town, my friend Jamie told me that some people were already moving in. I told my mom, and we both decided that moving all my stuff in a day early would probably help since there wouldn’t be as many people. I would still stay at the hotel with her for my last night of childhood (or so I thought of it), but all my stuff would already be moved in.
This seemed like a brilliant plan, until the anxiety set in. Sure, Jamie had told me that people were moving in, but for whatever reason I had persuaded myself into thinking that I wasn’t allowed to move in. Don’t ask me why, but I was totally convinced that there was some rule that said that all the other girls could move in early if they wanted to, but I couldn’t. My mom reminded me that I could just move in the next day, but then I convinced myself that moving in while 90% of Freshman girls were moving in seemed like a worse idea than simply being told I couldn’t move in that evening. My mom mentioned that I could just call the front desk to ask, and then I got anxious over the phone call.
It was an anxious evening.
After a few minutes of debating my options, I decided that calling to find out if I could move in. Because of the phone call anxiety, we wrote a script for myself on her phone so I could just read it off when the person answered. I punched in the phone number, took a deep breath, and when someone answered I said, “Hello, my name is Claira Eastwood and I am a Freshman moving into Conard Hall. I heard it is possible to move in tonight and I am wondering if that is true?” The girl on the other end of the phone said it was true and that I could move in after the sun went down (Adventist schools and stuff).
A few months later, the week before Thanksgiving break, I was sitting at a desk in the library and staring at a College Writing essay. I had procrastinated terribly because the prompt had been so simple I had been sure it would write itself. It was, in fact, not writing itself. To make matters worse, I’d had a (required) mentor meeting where I had been told that I probably needed to try harder in math. Great stuff. While looking at my half written essay that was due so soon, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I took out my phone and texted my mom. She talked me out of the ditch I had thrown myself into, and then sent me a screenshot of the script we’d written back in September. She reminded me of how much I had grown since then, and then said, “It’s funny how we grow wings when we start to flap.”
She was right, it’s funny how we grow when we force ourselves into places of growth. I moved to Washington without ever visiting the campus. We drove up and I just thought, “Well, I guess this’ll do.” I talked myself into talking to new people, and sometimes it paid off and sometimes it didn’t. For the second part of the year, I moved in with someone I didn’t know that well, and things turned out okay. I tried my hardest to bloom last year, and while I can’t say I did everything I wanted to do or accomplished everything I hoped I would, I can definitely say I grew up a little bit more. Here’s to blooming, and how we often don’t realize how much we’ve grown until we find remnants of anxiety ridden phone calls.
The One Where I Return to California: June 2019
Originally published on June 30th, 2019
Wednesday, June 05th- May was an exhausting month, which is why it’s taken me five days to start this monthly recap. I needed a break. With the end of the play, saying goodbye to Meg, and changing a myriad of things in my life right now, I’ve been pretty busy. Today started off pretty slow, with my normal early wake up call and a few hours in a bakery to get some studying done. As it progressed, however, more and more activities began to accumulate. I went to an open mic at the campus coffee shop and heard many talented musicians, and went to a band concert to hear another friend sing before realizing that one of my friends from high school was performing as well. After hearing him do his thing, Kiana and I hurried to the student film festival to see my roommate’s screening of her film. It’s been a rather crazy day, but I’m so thankful to have been surrounded by so much creativity.
Tuesday, June 11th - Today was not a fun one. I had to say goodbye to some dear friends for the summer, and that’s never a good time. Still, I’m trying to remember the wise words of Winnie the Pooh, saying “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
Sunday, June 23rd - Today I drew dragons with a three year old, held a sleeping newborn for the first time ever, and walked through the ocean for the first time in over a year (too long to go). Sometimes going back to where I grew up isn’t so bad.
Tuesday, June 25th - I had forgotten how much of A Wrinkle in Time is spent referencing science and math. This trip to the Griffith Observatory became quite nostalgic for double the reasons. Of course, there was also the traditional twirl on the front lawn that quickly turned into an homage to the tesseract.
Myself
Originally published on June 21st, 2019
I’ve always been someone who loves personality tests. When I was a kid I would take quizzes from American Girl that promised to tell me things about who I was, and I always found them to be exceedingly accurate. As I got older, I found tests like the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs. To be honest, I don’t care if any of them are proven to be inaccurate or not based in fact, because whenever I take them I do feel as though I have learned something about myself that I didn’t know before. I’ve also found that, unlike a few of my friends, my results of these tests stay the same each time I take them. In case you’re wondering, I’m an Enneagram 2 wing 3 and my Myers-Briggs type is ENFP. At least, in the case of the Myers-Briggs, that was true until about a couple of weeks ago.
Growing up, I was an ENFJ every single time I took the test. Then, almost immediately after starting high school, it switched to ENFP. Everything seemed to match up really well, and when I took it periodically over the next four years, everything stayed the same (aside from a month as an INFP, which made sense but didn’t seem as accurate as the ENFP statements). I took it in August before heading off to school, and I was still an ENFP and very happy with it. I didn’t take it at any point during school year, since I was preoccupied with a myriad of other things, but I assumed my personality type was staying pretty stagnant. Then, on a whim, I decided to take it on the last day of the school year. Low and behold, there were definitely some changes.
The result of the test said I was an INFJ.
I was floored. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it became INFP, especially since I had felt myself slip into being more introverted, but to have two of the letters change seemed insane to me. As I read through the descriptions of an INFJ, however, I found that it seemed to align with how I see myself and how others have said they see me better than what was said about ENFPs. There are parts of the ENFP description that still fit me- I would still say I’m observant, find it difficult to focus, and tend to be “independent to a fault” (but only with weird things)- but in reading through everything, the strengths and weaknesses for an INFJ do seem more accurate. I do use the words creative and altruistic to describe myself, and I always say I’m a perfectionist and have a tendency to burn out easily. Another weakness that was listed, “always need to have a cause,” also resonated with me. I do tend to search for things to be passionate about, something I can maybe fix. When I can’t find something external, I tend to overwork myself in figuring out my own problems. The mundane tasks of everyday life often lead me restless, and I am definitely quick to procrastination.
In the case of the Myers-Briggs test, there are a few things that have stayed consistent over the course of my life thus far. For instance, no matter what, I’m always part of the “diplomat” category (the two middle letters have also never budged an inch), and in terms of turbulent or assertive I stay turbulent 100% of the times I’ve taken the test. Still, there are definitely things that have changed. I know when I took the test, but I don’t know when my personality type began to shift. If I had to guess, however, I would say it probably happened during the course of A Wrinkle in Time, and then cemented itself after the show ended. In terms of personal growth, I’d say I’ve changed a ton over the last year, but that the last few months have been especially intense.
The day after retaking the test, Kiana asked me what I think may have changed, and I responded by saying that I think the way I view people has changed. Over the last few months, I’ve put extra effort into not placing people on pedestals but instead letting them be who they are, and still loving them for it. In terms of friendships, I would say I prefer quality time over quantity of time, and that wouldn’t have been true a year ago (though when I’m spending tons of good quality time with people, it’s like the best of both worlds). Emma, a dear friend who happens to be a psychology major (so I’m inclined to trust her instincts when it comes to personality tests, along with various other things), says that this seems less like I’ve completely changed in my personality, but that I’m simply growing into the more adult version of myself. I really like that way of looking at it.
I had a moment earlier this week where I was walking and had the thought, “I’m an adult.” I still have a lot of growing up to do, but that was the first time I had thought of myself as an adult instead of as a teenager or a kid. It was a bit strange, but I like that the thought came about organically. I really like personality tests, but I wouldn’t say I base my entire personality off of them. I like the idea of each slight change representing me simply growing into the adult version of myself. Who knows, I may stay an INFJ for the course of my time in college, but it may change again this time next year. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
September…
… and June :-)
Sparkle
Originally published on June 17th, 2019
I grew up going to schools where jewelry was one of the worst things you could wear, aside from ripped jeans, of course. It wasn’t as though people were obviously judged for wearing it, but there was also this idea that if you wore jewelry then you weren’t as good as the people who didn’t. When I wasn’t at school I would wear necklaces sometimes, and I always liked them, but also didn’t feel the need to go against the dress code and sneak a bracelet here or a ring there. Once I graduated high school, however, I started wearing jewelry more often. I began to express my artistic and creative nature in a more physical, tangible way, and that has continued for the last year, and most likely will continue onward. I thought, for today, I would show you a little bit of the tangible sparkle that I keep with me all the time.
My Ring
This ring was a gift from my mom at the end of the school year. I chose it to represent the end of A Wrinkle in Time, hence the moon and stars. On the inside there are two engraved dates: 03/21/2019 for the day I was officially cast as Meg, and 05/19/2019, which was the day I received an Irene Ryan Nomination. The 19th was also the day of the last performance, so the dates also represent the beginning and end of the journey. I really like the idea of commemorating every show I do with some kind of jewelry, and I really like that the dates are engraved on the inside of this one.
My Bracelet
A little less than a year ago, before I started college and right before passing my permit test, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety. But because I’d passed my permit test, I was feeling more capable than usual. I heard about a girl who makes friendship bracelets and sends them all over the world. To get one, you write a message expressing what’s been going on and what you need help with. I wrote that I was anxious about starting college and moving away from home, and she made and sent over this bracelet. She wrote a note to go with it, and explained that this bracelet was made to represent peace. I’ve worn it almost everyday since, and whenever I look at it, I am reminded of a time when I was anxious and of the good things that have happened since. It is a reminder of peace, but also a reminder that I can do more than I think I can.
My Necklaces
The Arrow
My mom’s last name is Schuetz (I’m going somewhere with this, don’t worry). I’m not sure who told me this, but a long time ago someone told me that, back in the day, the “Schuetzes” were the people who defended royalty with bows and arrows. I have no idea if this is actually true, but the German term "Schuetz” does translate to “protect” or “defend.” For a long time, I have known that when I eventually get my tattoo, it will be an arrow. Like I said earlier, when I graduated high school, I was terrified of leaving home. Right before my graduation, I had a breakdown and wound up crying on my mom’s bed, expressing how sad I was to leave, and how I was sure I was going to fail. My mom chose that moment to give me my graduation present- the arrow necklace. I started crying again (because of course I did), and since graduating there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t worn it. For me, it symbolizes how I always have my family’s support and protection with me, even when I go off on my own.
The Giraffe
I got this necklace while in Vancouver, British Columbia for a couple hours over spring break. There were a lot of necklaces that looked really pretty, but this little one stood out to me because of the paper it was attached to. Behind the giraffe was the word “courage,” which was something I was in extra need of at the time. I had just been cast as Meg and I had absolutely no idea what to expect when I returned to school. I was scared of not being enough, and I was scared of what people would think. This giraffe stayed with me for all the rehearsals and all that went with them, and it has also been worn everyday since. It is still a reminder to be brave in the face of fear.
My Earrings
When I was little, I really wanted to get my ears pierced. Alas, earrings were the most abhorrent kind of jewelry at my school, so I knew I’d have to wait for a while. I remember once asking my dad if I could get my ears pierced when I was twelve, and he said yes. When I was eleven I brought it up, and he said I could do it when I turned sixteen. So I waited another five years and did it after my Sophomore year of high school. These little hoops are my favorite earrings right now, mostly because I grew up wanting earrings so I could wear ones just like these. They’re simple, and I often forget that they’re there. I love wearing earrings, and my favorites change all the time, but right now I am quite fond of these ones.
I really love wearing jewelry. It makes me happy, and they often serve as reminders for things I’m working on. For me, with the exception of earrings, the jewelry I choose to wear on a daily basis needs to have a deeper meaning behind it. I like it when the sparkle as significance, and right now mine definitely does.
Luck
Originally published on June 16th, 2019
Today’s word is “luck.” From the very beginning of this “write something everyday” thing (except for on Friday, so it seems we’ll be spilling over into July), I’ve wanted to write something specific about the people who greatly impacted my life during the last school year. There are more people than the eleven that are mentioned here, but these people are the ones who impacted my life on an almost daily basis (if not daily). These are people who I have acted with, had game nights with, cried with, laughed with, studied with, walked with, and simply lived my life with. I love them. I am very lucky to know these people and to call them my friends.
Kiana showed me how to not apologize for existing.
Emma allowed me to believe that my feelings are always valid, no matter if I’m correct or not.
Lindsey somehow made me laugh on days when I didn’t even want to smile. She also gave me some of the best hugs on my worst days.
Rylee showed me what confidence looks like.
Nathan showed me that it’s okay to ask for help, and that being afraid isn’t a bad thing.
Jamie reminded me of how beautiful old friendships can be, and how loyalty is not something that comes around everyday.
Savana (along with our mutual coffee obsession) reminded me to remember the simpler things, and to not take everyday beauty for granted.
Jared gave me space to be honest, and the time to practice trust.
Emily surprised me everyday with her sense of humor, and her dedication constantly inspired me to reach a little bit higher.
Arien showed me what it means to be brave.
Dorea opened doors for so many of the good things that happened this year. Without her, many things wouldn’t have occurred at all.
Hands
Originally published on June 15th, 2019
In the past year, I have held many hands.
Big ones, small ones.
Stiff ones, soft ones.
I have held these hands for many reasons.
Many circle times.
Many plays.
I have said hello by holding hands.
I have let go of feelings by holding hands.
I have said hard goodbyes by holding hands.
While on walks, I’ve held hands in friendship.
While crying, I’ve had my hands held to show support.
While in plays, I’ve held hands in both love and fear.
In the past year, I have held many hands.
Scared ones, loved ones.
Worried ones, joyous ones.
I have held these hands for many reasons.
In every hand hold there has been connection.
In every hand hold there has been love.
Black and White
Originally published on June 13th, 2019
I’m pretty good at seeing the gray in the world. I try really hard to see all the sides to an argument, even when it seems 100% bad. I work to understand why something is the way it is, or what events and circumstances led to something happening. I truly do not believe that things are in black and white. Even so, I seem to always have trouble seeing people as being both good and bad. This is something that I’ve been working on for a while, and even though I don’t think I’ve fully figured it out yet, I do think I’ve made some progress. There are a few stories that come to mind as times that have forced me to work on this. I’m not going to go into a ton of detail with any of them, so I’m not even sure they qualify as stories, but here they are anyway.
Towards the end of my senior year, something happened with a few friends of mine. I was especially close with two of the people involved, and because of that I heard a lot of what was going on. I heard various sides of the story, something that made me question who the “bad” guy was. As the story continued to unfold and the school year came to an end, one of my closest friends was being blamed for a lot of what had happened. Since I had heard so much of the story and a few people had been talking to me about it, I could see why that was the case. They hadn’t made great decisions, and those decisions had affected other people. But, they’d also apologized, and they’d started to make better decisions as the school year ended. Because of this, I had a hard time believing they could be bad at all. I mean, they’d apologized. They’d started doing good things. How could a bad person do something good? I began to shut off any thoughts that they could be bad and began to only believe that they were good. Completely good.
Back in February, when my rehearsals for the Festival of Shorts were in full swing, I wound up in an unideal situation. As the rehearsals ended and performances began, the situation only grew a bit worse. I started to struggle with thinking that maybe this person who I thought was good could do a bad thing, or maybe they were actually a bad person who just did good things sometimes. One day everything would be great, and I would see them as such a good person. And then, later on, something would happen and I would end up crying thinking that they weren’t as good as I thought. But how could that be? How could a good person turn into a bad person and then back into a good person so quickly? How could a good person do a bad thing?
A Wrinkle in Time was a beautiful experience that I will be forever thankful for. It had, however, some awful moments that proved to be challenging for many members of the cast. I wouldn’t say I was directly affected by one of the bigger challenges, but I certainly saw how it affected others who were. As time went on, I kept reminding people that I believed they were good, and that I love them unconditionally. Those two things were true, and still are. My problem, I soon realized, was that instead of loving them and still seeing the issue that needed to be worked out, I didn’t let myself believe that there was a problem, because how could a good person do a bad thing?
I have a hard time seeing good in people who I have already determined to be “bad,” but I have a harder time seeing bad in people who I believe are totally good. Every time I encounter a situation where someone who I have believed to be good does something that I would consider to be bad, I wrestle with it for a long time. I believe that I am a perfectionist because I struggle to believe I can still be a good person if I make a mistake. Consciously, I know that no one is perfect. I know that good people can do bad things, and I know that bad people can do good things. Because, the thing is, people are not black and white. People are gray. Last year, when I wrote about the things I learned when I was eighteen, I wrote that it is important to imagine people complexly. I also wrote that it was something I was still working on, and that’s still true. Whether I should or not, I care deeply about everyone in those stories. I believe in loving people unconditionally, but I also know that I can’t do that if I don’t allow them to make mistakes and be human.
Little
Originally published on June 12th, 2019
Hello! When looking at this word, I wasn’t sure which idea to pick. Part of me wanted to list a bunch of facts about myself from when I was little, but then I decided that there is already a post quite similar. So I thought about listing some advice I would give to my past self, and then realized that, yeah, I’ve already written that post as well. This is the problem that comes with having a blog for over two and half years and still trying to write every day in June. Finally, I settled on writing a post where I give one piece of advice to myself at different ages- eight to sixteen. I chose these ages for a couple of reasons: 1) eight is probably my favorite age from when I was younger, and 2) sixteen is the oldest age that still feels distant enough that I feel I can give advice. I still feel weirdly close to seventeen, but sixteen feels far enough away. Without further ado, here we go…
To my eight year old self- Welcome to the acting world! It’s a grand ol’ time, and even though you’ll only be here for a short time before returning later, I hope you take it all in.
To my nine year old self- If I could go back and give any younger me a hug, it would be you. If I could give you any advice, it would be to not push away the (real) love that is offered.
To my ten year old self- Enjoy this year! There’s hard stuff for sure, but when you’re older and look back on it, you’ll remember the good stuff the most. Keep smiling, and loving, and laughing.
To my eleven year old self-I’m not gonna lie, this year is truly awful. The only thing I can tell you is to keep moving forward. Let yourself be upset when you need to be, but keep moving towards better things. Because they are out there, I promise.
To my twelve year old self- You’re angry, and that’s okay- It’s what you do with the anger that makes it good or bad. Channel it into good things, and be kind to the people around you.
To my thirteen year old self-You can’t change people, whether they want to change or not. As much as you want to, you cannot save the world.
To my fourteen year old self- You are not in the best environment right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it good. The best people for you are not going to be in your class, but they’re there. Find them.
To my fifteen year old self- Your emotions are valid. Your experiences are real. You aren’t crazy.
To my sixteen year old self- Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay. In fact, everything is about to get so good. Let it.
Storms
Originally published on June 11th, 2019
Before fully delving into what I’m talking about today, I wanted to quickly mention that today was my last day of school! I finished my last day of finals, and now all I have to do is pack up my room before moving out on Thursday. It’s crazy to think that nine months ago I was moving in with absolutely no clue how the year was going to go, and yet, three full quarters later, here I am about to head back to California again. I’ve been thinking about my year a lot lately, especially in terms of the people I’ve met and the creative things I’ve done. In thinking about what I was going to write about today, I wanted to somehow connect it to what I was already thinking about.
Over the course of this school year, I have encountered many a storm. Not in terms of weather (though the snow was quite intense), but rather emotionally and with my life in general. I’ve had panic attacks, I’ve cried in the blackbox so many times, and there have been more than a couple times when I seriously considered leaving school and going home. But, somehow, I made it here to the end. In weathering these storms, I have picked up a couple of tips and tricks that I thought I would share today.
Set reminders on your phone.
My mom used to tell me that life is always completely different two weeks after something happens. On September 10th, 2018, keeping that in the back of my mind, I set a reminder for September 24th, and typed out “See? Everything is okay.” After those two weeks (where in which I packed up my room, drove with my mom to Washington, said goodbye, unpacked everything in my new room, went through orientation week, and started school), I set another reminder for two weeks from then. I have gone through this entire school year setting a new reminder every two weeks. And, I kid you not, every two weeks I see my little note and I think to myself that it’s true, those things that were bothering me two weeks ago are no longer a problem. Or, they’ve evolved into a different problem. But, regardless, life really is different two weeks after something happens.Find the people who let you vent.
Now, just to clarify, there is difference between venting and gossiping. Talking badly about someone will get you no where. Complaining will not help you solve a problem. That said, talking about what’s going on, to people who understand, is really helpful. Going to someone and saying, “This thing is really bothering me. I need to talk about it with someone because I don’t know what to do with it anymore,” is a good thing. And if you go to the right people (see thing number three), hopefully they will have advice, or they’ll just listen while you talk about what’s going on. Either one is often much needed.Ask for help.
This is arguably the hardest thing on this list, but also the best thing I’ve done. This year, I think I finally learned the value in asking for help. Sure, I always knew things were easier when I asked for help, and I always knew it was the smart thing to do, but somehow I had myself convinced that asking for help made me weaker than the people who weren’t asking for help. To be honest, I still struggle with thinking that asking for help makes me weak. What I’ve done, though, is learn to ask the right people for help. The people remind me that it’s not weakness, it’s strength. When things are hard, asking for help is the best thing to do. But it’s important to remember that asking the right people for help is what makes it the best thing. There were many moments this year when I asked the wrong people for help, and I could tell many a story of how that went wrong. But I could also tell many a story of when I asked the right people for help, and how good things turned out because of it.
So there you have it- three little tips that have helped me weather these storms. As the school year ends for some and continues to wind down for others, I hope we can all look forward to a wonderful summer and a happy new school year. We’re all going to encounter more storms, but hopefully we can all continue to find ways to deal with them. Regardless of how bad some things may be, there’s always some good to come from it. I hope we can always remember that the bad stuff never lasts forever, to find our people, and to always ask for help when we need it.
Sunflower
Originally published on June 10th, 2019
A Little List of Things I’m Thankful for Right Now
Early mornings at a bakery to get work done.
Supportive friends.
Yellow journals.
Warmer weather.
Raspberry tea.
Being so close to the end of the school year.
Seeing my friends do their end of year recitals.
Iced-coffee.
Sundresses.
Contemplative evening walks.
“Keep your face to the sun and you cannot see the shadow. It’s what sunflowers do.” ~ Helen Keller
Bodies
Originally published on June 09th, 2019
There are a few ways I’ve considered going with this word for today. I could talk about how I think society puts too much pressure on people to look a certain way, or how theatre has definitely warped my perception of beauty a little bit (for good or bad, I’m not quite sure). I could even talk about my Adventist education and how it really attached a lot of shame to how I see my body and others. What I’ve decided to do, however, is talk about what I didn’t talk about last week- body image. Specifically, how my relationship with how I see myself and my self-esteem has changed over the years.
Something not a lot of people know about me is that for about five years in elementary school, I did ballet and tap. I loved it. I did ballet longer, and actually got put in a more advanced ballet class towards the end of my time at the dance school. I didn’t stay in that class because the teacher was a little intense and I was dealing with my parents separation and, at the time, really needed more love than discipline, but still. Much of my elementary years were spent in dance shoes. Whenever I read essays or articles from women talking about their self-esteem, often they will mention that they started to notice they looked different to their peers in dance environments, but that wasn’t the case for me. I was a very skinny child, and I was fairly tall for my age. For the years I did it, I looked the part of a ballerina. Still, I went to school with girls who were taller and skinnier (or more athletic, which is a whole other thing), and I truly believed at my core that I was the biggest of them all.
I have a clear memory of being eleven years old and being on the swings with two other girls. This was between 2010 and 2011, when the word “phat” (meaning excellent) became a popular term to throw around. While on the swings, one of the girls looked at me and said I was phat. In response to my complaint at being referred to this way, she just said she meant “phat, with a ph, which means excellent. So it’s okay.” But the two of them were laughing, and I could tell what they meant. I was also the first one of the girls in my class to go through puberty, so I was already highly sensitive about looking different than the rest of them. That same year, I remember crying in my grandparent’s bathroom after being asked how much I weighed. My mom followed me in and we had a little talk about body image and how sometimes girls are just mean, and that doesn’t make mean they’re right.
After I stopped dancing, I took up swimming. I’ve never been super athletic, but I loved being in the water. I kept practicing, and stayed a swimmer for another four(ish) years. While in junior high, my hips started to grow, and I definitely did look different than the other girls in my class. But I was strong, even though I didn’t pay enough attention to that at the time. I was fourteen years old the first time I decided I “needed” to lose weight, and it resulted in me going for a run for the first time by myself (and absolutely hating it), and doing 100 sit-ups every night (which, honestly, didn’t do much except make me hate sit-ups).
I moved before starting high school, and because of that I stopped swimming. There was a pool in our yard, and while I would use it every so often, it didn’t feel the same as having a pool with lanes. As I’m sure is quite common, being in high school didn’t help me like myself more than before. In that regard, my Sophomore year (2015-2016) was pretty bad. I started doing all the things morning routine videos on youtube told me to do, like drinking lemon water and eating zucchini as pasta. I started running almost every day, and did random workout videos in my room. To be clear, these things aren’t inherently bad. I still love lemon water, and honestly I should probably eat zucchini noodles more often because I can’t really have gluten. As I’ve mentioned, I still go through phases of running, and I’m sure those workout videos have their time and place as well. The problem wasn’t what I was doing, it was why I was doing it. All of those things were done with the intention of getting skinny. I even had a notebook where each month I wrote down all my measurements, which probably weren’t even accurate because I was doing them myself anyway. Even though I thought I was doing great, I wasn’t really taking care of myself, and I definitely wasn’t being kind to myself.
Now that I’m older, I like to think I’ve figured a lot of this stuff out. I have more good days than bad. I’ve grown. I’ve stretched. I’ve changed. And that’s okay- that’s good. Am I always happy with how I look? No, of course not. I am human, after all. But that’s exactly the point- I’m human. I go through stages of not taking care of my physical wellbeing very well, and yeah, that could be because of college life/tech weeks, but often times it’s simple cravings and laziness. But I also go through stages of really prioritizing my physical health. For me, this means exercising in a way that doesn’t feel like a chore, not eating gluten, and drinking a lot of water. It does not mean berating myself for “messing up,” or exercising too much and eating too little. Like everything in life, there is a balance to taking care of your physical health. To be honest, I’m still figure out what that balance looks like for me. But that’s okay, too.
Just a picture of me from when I was in Paris last summer :-)
Umbrella
Originally published on June 08th, 2019
I don’t like the rain. Mm, actually, let me rephrase that- I usually don’t like the rain. Every once in a while, when it’s not too cold or too heavy, I don’t mind it. I love the smell it leaves afterward, and I love seeing the grass grow greener and greener. I love rainbows, and puddles, and rain jackets. Still, I don’t love the feeling of heavy rain falling onto me. Over the past week, I’ve alluded to the fact that I’ve been dealing with a very difficult scene assignment (I’m going somewhere with this, don’t worry). I’m still not going to tell you the full story, but today I thought I’d share bits and pieces of it.
My Freshman year of high school, I was involved with the drama club. There were four others, and over the course of the year we memorized and performed various skits for school assemblies and church services. This was really my first introduction to memorizing material quickly and then performing regularly. By my Sophomore year, however, my love for drama began to change. Instead of being excited by the performances, I began to dread them. I developed a very real sense of stage fright, and I found that my childhood stutter had returned full force whenever I would attempt to memorize lines. By the middle of the first semester of my Sophomore year, I had quit acting completely. It wasn’t until a little over a year later, when I auditioned for Les Mis, that I made my return.
There are still so many pieces of my childhood that I don’t want to write about yet, but one thing that you need to know to fully get this story is that, for about a year, I had a pretty bad stutter whenever I would have to read out loud. This fell around the same time as my parent’s separation, and while I didn’t realize it at the time, it was one of the ways my body was physically reacting to the change. My stutter went away eventually, but returned my Sophomore year of high school because I was starting to remember a lot of stuff that had happened during my childhood. Instead of being able to deal with it mentally, my body again went to a physical reaction. From then on, my stutter only returned when I would read something that triggered an emotional response in me and my body didn’t know how to handle it. This brings me to my acting class fall quarter.
Back in the fall, I had three scene assignments. They were all challenging in some shape or form, but the last one brought the return of my stutter. In talking it over with my teacher, I was able to pinpoint what it was that was triggering, and made it through the scene without too much difficulty. Then came advanced acting this quarter. Instead of spending the entire ten weeks working on scenes, we were only given one, which will be performed in a couple of days. When I first read through the script, there were a few things that jumped out at me that would eventually prove to be quite difficult. Luckily, I have a great scene partner who was willing to put up with many a rehearsal that led us nowhere. I knew I was having trouble wit the scene, but I couldn’t figure out why. There was a rehearsal where I literally did not stop crying the entire time, but I couldn’t understand what was happening. My scene partner, my friends, and my acting teacher all tried to help, but none of us could figure it out. It wasn’t until I noticed that I was stuttering in a rehearsal that I knew I needed to reach out to my mom.
I’d asked my mom for help with part of the scene a couple weeks earlier, but this time I sent her pictures of the entire script and asked her if she thought there was anything in it that might be triggering me. She sent back a couple paragraphs of an explanation, and suddenly everything made sense. I talked to some friends, and they came to my next rehearsal to help us through part of it. One friend in particular offered some much needed comic relief, and the other constantly reminded me to stop saying I couldn’t do something when I actually could. They both went above and beyond the call of a friend, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
I’m an actress, and I love acting. I love theatre for it’s challenges, but sometimes it can be a bit much. That’s when I know I need my people to help cover the hard stuff for a moment so I can see the beauty in it again. We all need people to be our umbrellas sometimes. Every once in a while, you need an umbrella to distract you from the cold, wet drops of water and remind you of the beauty in puddles, green grass, and rainbows. I am really lucky to have many an umbrella in my life, and I hope you do too. To all my umbrellas, I hope you know that I am here if you ever need something. Thank you for all that you do.
Pranks
Originally published on June 07th, 2019
Hello and welcome back to some lighthearted content! Like many of the words on the list for this month, this one left me a little bit stumped. I not a huge fan of pranks, and April Fool’s Day is arguably my least favorite day of the year. Even so, there are a few times when I let my crafty side out, and usually it’s in a theatre environment (but not always). For today I thought I would give you a small list of stories of the things I’ve been part of. None of them probably qualify as a prank, but it’s the closest I’ve got (also, it’s the Thursday of Dead Week so it’s really surprising I’ve been able to post daily at all). Without further ado, here you go:
During A Wrinkle in Time, my friend Nathan (who played the Father) and I had a running joke between us. For much of tech week and most of the performances, he would stick a small object into the front pocket of my overalls, and I would have to try and figure out what it was. I wasn’t supposed to touch it, though, so I’m not sure how I would have figured out what any of them were, and I honestly was confused for the entire runtime of the show. There was everything from a lovely letter on opening night, to a piece of plastic lettuce. Even though I never figured it out until the end when I was able to take it out and look, it was still fun to know that there was an inside joke going on during the show itself.
The next day…
So, here’s the problem. I wrote the previous two paragraphs yesterday, and I wrongly assumed that I would be able to think of various stories that would count as a “prank,” or even close to one. I, as it turns out, was very much wrong. While on the phone with my mom yesterday, I told her what today’s word was and she said my story probably doesn’t count as a prank. She is correct, but then she said I should just play a prank on someone real quick so I have something to write about. I did not.
I’ve never been a fan of pranks. I don’t think about them very much, and I don’t actively seek out ways to be crafty. But sometimes I wish I was. Every once in a while I think of something that would be really funny and would definitely qualify as a prank, but then I never follow through. I have loads of funny stories that I could share, and I’m sure I will someday, but I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been involved in a prank. Ah well, I suppose that’s all for today. Maybe I’ll just play a prank today to make up for this weird post ;-)
A picture of little Claira preparing to jump out at someone to (hopefully) scare them. See? I used to be quite sneaky (though, I was clearly caught out considering this picture exists at all).