“Look, she’s crying already.”

Originally published on January 08th, 2017

"I hate running," I could hear myself mumble as my throbbing feet hit the pavement and the air sucked any feeling of life out of my mouth. My lungs felt as though they were going to burst out of my chest, and I could feel the eyes of my classmates as one by one they passed me. I was twelve and in sixth grade, and for PE my teacher had decided that they were going to start making my class run around the school five times before doing anything else. To some, this was a joyous occasion. To others, such as myself, nothing could be worse. You see, I had always liked the idea of running, but never the act itself. I wasn't very good at it, even though I had always wanted to be (and still do). My athletic ability, or maybe lack thereof, had always been something that people used against me. And this day was no different. The mixture of embarrassment from having to run and the pain in my lungs caused by not running enough had resulted in tears beginning to stream down my cheeks. As a boy who was about a year than me ran by with two of his friends, I heard him say "Look, she's crying already." To this day I still don't know what he was trying to accomplish with this comment, and quite frankly I've given up trying to understand. All I know for sure was that this quick remark did nothing but make me cry more. 

I think I was lucky that I went to the same school that my mom worked at, and seeing as I was in front of her classroom already, I simply turned to my left and walked in. I don't remember what happened next, but I don't think I will ever forget that boy's words. Something about them seared into my soul and still haven't left. The boy made it seem that not only was my crying something to be ashamed of, but that my lack of running ability was worth everyone's attention.

As a small child, I cried a lot. To be completely honest, I don't really remember what exactly it was that made me cry so much, all I know is that I did it a lot. People called me a crybaby, and I definitely gave them reason to. Even though I spent much of my childhood crying, by the age of twelve I wasn't as much. I was far happier, and nobody had mentioned my tendency to cry in a long time. 

I think this was why the comment hurt so much. Whether he had been oblivious as to how much the four words hurt me, or he was just making a one-off comment, it seemed to me that my habit of crying a lot at the age of seven had followed me to the age of twelve in the minds of everyone else. 

Ever since that day, I can only remember a couple times in which I have cried in public. If I can feel myself beginning to cry, I make a beeline for an empty stairwell, a school bathroom, or an field. It's almost funny, though, because in the few times I have started to cry in front of someone, they haven't called me a crybaby or called more attention to it than was necessary. I know that the boy in sixth grade was probably just immature and that I am certainly much stronger than I was five years ago, but I still don't like crying in front of other people. 

The words we say can have a lasting affect on others. This experience happened five years ago, and I still don't like to cry in front of other people. I don't like to give anyone reason to make fun of me, and I don't having negative attention on me, and I'm sure most people are the same way. Everyone has something that they are insecure about, and by having someone call attention to it, that insecurity can become 100 times more paralyzing. Trust me, I have many other insecurities apart from crying and most have been mentioned directly to my face numerous times. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should treat people kindly. If you know something is insecure about something, don't mention it. I have a personal rule where if I'm going to call attention to someone, it's to compliment them. And if I know they don't like attention? I don't do it in front of a bunch of people. In general, I try really hard to be sensitive to people's emotions. Am I perfect at this and don't ever slip up? Of course not. But I do try my hardest to make sure that everything I say builds people up, instead of tearing them down. 

The Quest to Be Genuine

Originally published on January 01st, 2017

It was the end of May, 2015. The yearbook staff had just finished passing out yearbooks, and there I was, sitting cross-legged on the gymnasium floor, holding my book in one hand and a green pen in the other. Friends, acquaintances, and even seniors I didn't know very well came by and we signed each other's yearbooks. I was in this position for about half an hour before a girl in my class approached me. She had sat behind me in Physical Science, in the back in English, and across the room in math. I was jealous of her long hair and her black shoes, and she was standing above me holding out her yearbook asking me to sign it. I took it and handed her mine before writing a typical "You're so nice, I hope you have a nice summer. See you next year" blah blah blah kind of thing, and handing the book back to her. She handed me mine and when she had walked a respectable distance away I read what she had written. I've forgotten the majority of it but I will never remember the ending: "You're so genuine. Don't ever change." Now, the "don't ever change" was a phrase written countless times in multiple Freshmen yearbooks, but the "you're so genuine" part really stuck with me. 

Now normally I wouldn't think so much about something a girl I hardly knew wrote in my yearbook, but the idea of being "genuine" had always been in the back of my mind. I had never thought of myself as genuine. If anything, that year especially, I thought of myself as someone hiding behind a mask. So, I made the conscious decision to be genuine. I didn't care if the girl had only written what she wrote so it would look as though she had put some thought in, or if she had truly been genuine (ha, sorry. I had to.). I decided that when I returned to school for my Sophomore year, I was going to be the most myself I had ever been. 

It was the end of May, 2016. My Sophomore year was coming to a close, and I was sitting in the choir room. Class had sort of been canceled that day, but not enough so that we were allowed to actually leave the room. I was sitting at the back behind a few chairs, earnestly reading the last third of "Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban" while many other students signed each other's yearbooks. Eventually, I looked up and saw that one of my friends who I had been anxious to have sign my yearbook was free from signing others, so I stood up and walked over to her. I handed her my book and when I received it back I read something along the lines of: "I love the way words fall out of your mouth and never make sense." I didn't think much of it until about a month later when I was taking a break from packing and read it again. "Words fall out of my mouth and never make sense?" I thought to myself. Suddenly I was faced with the thought of maybe my being genuine was being received as awkwardness and weirdness (it is highly possible that this is where my love of Luna Lovegood comes from). 

I began to think back on my interactions with other people throughout my time at that high school. The times when I made people laugh, were they laughing with me? or at me? The times when I thought I was being genuine by not staying silent, were they well received or was I looked at as being the odd one out? When people told me I made them "feel smart", did they mean I built them up or did they mean they felt smart in comparison to me? I wasn't sure I liked the idea of being genuine anymore if it made me appear less than. 

It was the middle of December, 2016. I was sitting at a banquet table next to a girl I didn't know very well. On my first day, she had been nice enough to go beyond the "Hi, what's your name? Are you finding your way around okay?" and had gone on to a real conversation, but other than that I hadn't spoken to her that much. The table was round, and anyone who isn't skilled in dining arts knows that when there is a round table, it can be tough to navigate which plate belongs to who. At one point I said something like "Wait, is this plate mine? Or is it this one? I'm really not good at this!" and laughed at my own expense when the girl next to me said "I love how unapologetically awkward you can be!", and I braced myself. Had I made another mistake? Had my half hearted crack at being genuine once again been translated as simple weirdness? I followed up with "Because then you feel less awkward?", and hoped I wouldn't meet a comment along the lines of "Yeah because in comparison to you I feel graceful, intelligent, and all around amazing." Instead, the girl laughed softly and said, "No, because then we can be awkward together and I feel less alone." 

It was then that I realized what had been missing all along. To me, being genuine means being honest with what you are feeling and why. It means being unapologetic for who you are, and being humble in the face of others. This girl had showed me that my being genuine wasn't always looked at as being less than; sometimes it was looked at as an open hand to mutual acceptance. It wasn't that being genuine made me look stupid or like I didn't think things through, I just happened to encounter some people who didn't understand who I was, and they weren't necessarily ready to see me be okay with who I am.

It's not that I'm perfect at being genuine- I think that would actually defeat the purpose entirely- but I am beginning to realize that I don't need to think I'm less than in order to think I'm being honest with who I am. I still don't understand everything there is to understand, however. I am, as they say, on a quest. A quest to be genuine. 

Books I’ve Read & Places I’ve Loved: December 2016

Originally published on December 29th, 2016

"Books I've Read & Places I've Loved" is a series that I'm starting where I talk about, yup, the books I've read and the places I've loved in a particular month (my titling skills are exquisite as we all know ;-)). We're starting with December, which I hope was a wonderful month for all of you filled with peace and happiness. 

This month was a whirlwind. Apart from decorating for Christmas and preparing for my school's Christmas concert, I had classes to go to, tests to take, essays to write, and friends to see. Throughout all of this, I managed to read ONE book (that wasn't for school, I read a couple others but they were for classes) as well as fall in love with some not-so-everyday places. 

BOOKS I'VE READ

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews

Earlier this year I was watching random movie trailers on youtube when I came across a trailer for a movie called "Me and Earl and the Dying Girl," and thought it looked good but felt it would be better as a book. When I found out it was originally a book, I went looking for it to read. Oddly enough, however, I kept passing it by every time I went to a bookstore and it happened to be there. There was always another book that looked better or I completely forgot that I wanted to read this one. Finally, the last time I was at a Barne's and Noble, I saw this on its own little shelf, and passed by it a good three times before picking it up. It still took me a while to actually start reading it (school and stuff), but once I started, I finished it in about three days. It has been compared to John Green's The Fault in Our Stars, which I actually really liked, but I think this book stands on its own. It's funny and sweet and I would actually compare it to Paper Towns (also by John Green) before TFIOS. All in all, I really enjoyed this book. Not only was it funny and sweet, but I found it touching in a way that YA books rarely seem to be (at least in my opinion). 

PLACES I'VE LOVED

Some-Christmas-Tree-Place-in-Northern-California

When my grandparents needed to get their Christmas tree, they enlisted the help of me, my mom, and my brother to look for it (as they always do), and we ended up at a place that greatly resembles the one I used to go to when I was little. I know this picture doesn't have any trees in it, but it's the clearest shot I could get, and besides, who doesn't love fairy light reindeer?! I love this place not only for the Christmas trees, hot chocolate, and fairy light reindeer, but also for the beautiful sense of nostalgia I got when I was there. 

Cal Expo: Winter Wonderland

I know I've already shared this picture at the end of my essay on looking for the good, but I loved this place so much it had to make another appearance. This picture was taken from atop a ferris wheel and from this height you could see all the lights in all of their twinkly glory. I loved this place because of the people I was with when I was there. Friendships were made deeper, and bonds were made stronger. Although, as I've said, this night began with feelings of trepidation, it ended with smiles and a mind filled with memories sure to last for many years to come. 

_________________________

Although this would usually be where I would end these, I wanted to quickly say that since this will be my last post of 2016, I wish you all a very happy New Year! I know that 2016 was rough for many of us, and 2017 may be looking dreary, but I hope you can all join me in wishing for happiness in the new year. May we all not only find ways to make this world a better place, but find ways to bring happiness into the lives of those around us. Thank you to everyone who has been reading what I've been writing, and I will see you in the new year! 

Xoxo,

Claira 

Another Poem By Hafiz

Originally shared on December 25th, 2016

The Candle Burns Down

We melt a little each day. The candle

burns down.

And it may wonder at times, it may 

wonder:

What will become of me? What will

happen to my precious flame?

O, so much brighter, my dear, you will

become, so much brighter. 

Believing in Your Own Voice

Originally published on December 22nd, 2016

At the start of the school year, I made the decision to be as involved as I could. This meant not only taking many, many classes, but also doing choir. We meet on Mondays and Wednesdays, and it has allowed me to cultivate friendships with some truly amazing people.

I talked on a previous Friday about how I tend to be self-conscious about my voice and how I'm trying to overcome that, but I failed to mention that the coming Tuesday, I would be trying out for Les Misérables for the Spring musical. I won't lie, I was absolutely terrified. I hadn't tried for something since my Sophomore year, and I've already mentioned how that turned out. I knew, though, that if I didn't try out, I'd regret it terribly for the rest of the year. I tried out for parts that I have always loved, and although I was petrified, I was also very excited. 

On Tuesday after Spanish, I walked to the music room and waited with a few Sophomore and Freshman girls. They were all very sweet and encouraging, and made the actual "walking into the music room" far less scary. 

I left the audition feeling like I could burst into tears at any given moment. Not because I thought I had done horribly, but because I was feeling so many emotions and didn't know what to do with them. I have no idea what will happen next, but I'm proud of myself for auditioning. 

_______

I wrote the previous portion before I knew the outcome of the audition, and now I do. I won't be part of the main cast, and of course I'm disappointed, but I'm not as upset as I was after my failed try out a year ago, and I think I know why. I am in a much better place (both physically and emotionally) than I was last year. I may have gone through the feeling of "I'm not good enough," this week, but that doesn't mean that I will never be good enough. Last year, I was still coming to terms with my own self-confidence, and although I haven't fully grasped it yet, I think I have a far better handle on it than I did. I based my entire self-esteem on getting into that elite choir, which was a huge mistake for so many reasons. I ended up being in yearbook instead, which actually boosted my self-esteem incredibly. 

I think this whole experience showed me that although rejection really, really, really sucks, it doesn't mean that my entire soul needs to be shattered. I'm still part of the musical, and that is something to be proud of. I have been given the chance to work with some really great people who I enjoy being around anyway, so honestly? The pros of this rejection seem to be outweighing the cons. Any musical ability that I may have has not gone away. Below I have attached a picture of me singing my very first solo at the tender age of seven. When my teacher told my mom about my finding out, she said that she had "never seen someone smile that much." Hopefully I never lose the smile of a seven year old :-) 

What I Would Tell My Younger Self

Originally published on December 18th, 2016

Yesterday I was on YouTube (as I often am), and I saw a video by Dodie Clark. In it, she read out a list of things that she would tell her younger self, and it got me thinking. I was originally going to publish something where I talked about my old journals, and I still may do that later, but for now I think I'll stick with the general idea of what I would tell my younger self if I got the chance. This is going to be focused on my 7-10-year-old self, but I may do one for my 11-14-year-old self later. So without further ado, here are 10 things that I would tell my younger self:

1. Don't think too much...

You're doing just fine, don't worry. 

2. Sometimes girls are just mean...

But they aren't always. You just happen to be surrounded by people who aren't the best, but it won't always be this way. You'll find people who make you happy, and you won't always sit alone at lunch.

3. When a boy teases you, it doesn't necessarily mean he likes you...

Stop thinking it. Bullying doesn't equal affection.  

4. Don't give up on math...

I know, it's hard and you feel stupid, but trust me, you aren't. Math still isn't your favorite thing, but it's getting easier. There's no shame in being a little slower than other people, and remember that you're good at so many other things. 

5. Be honest with your therapist...

That's what they're there for. If you have something you need to talk about it, talk about it.  You'll get farther this way, and you won't leave still having questions. Also, there's no shame in therapy. If it helps you, keep doing it. 

6. It's okay to walk around the playground by yourself...

You may not think so right now, but it is. You're still the kind of person who needs to be alone in order to process emotions, so don't think you need to change or that there's something wrong with you. You're just processing, and this is how you do it. 

7. I don't blame you for not wanting to wear fake eyelashes for the dance recital...

You still find them strange. 

8. Don't stop dancing. Please...

You'll be sad later if you stop. I know your favorite teacher is leaving, and I know the other teacher is scary, but looking back on it, she's not all bad. Keep dancing. Please. 

9. Not everyone feels things as strongly as you do...

I know that you feel other people's sadness; you still do. But not everyone is like that. Don't assume that people will understand your feelings if you don't tell them. 

10. I'm proud of you...

You're doing good. You're smart, and funny, and adorably dramatic. I think you'd like me now... I hope you'd like me now. Keep smiling. I'm proud of you. 

Looking For Good

Originally published on December 11th, 2016

Recently, I wrote an article about how gratitude and looking for things to be thankful for has become such a big part of my life, but I didn't mention how looking for the good has also changed my perspective.

In April of this year, I was in Los Angeles reading a book inside a rose garden outside of a museum. I didn't finish it (my bad...), but I was reading The Diary of Anne Frank (Diary of a Young Girl). My favorite quote is from Anne Frank, and it says "Think of all the beauty still left around you, and be happy." This quote has become a motto that I strive to live by every day, although it isn't always easy. 

My school had its Christmas Banquet on Saturday, December 10th. There was a misunderstanding of sorts about who I was going with, and this past Monday it became clear that I would be going alone. Don't get me wrong, I am not the kind of person who feels the need to have a date to things like this, but I was still disappointed, especially considering all the people in the group I was originally going with had dates. I spent the next two days debating whether I should even go at all. 

On Thursday, I had three girls invite me to join the groups that they were going with, and since I had eventually decided to go after all, things weren't looking as grim as they had seemed three days earlier. On Saturday, I put on my favorite red dress and curled my hair. I put on my gray coat, and walked down the hallways of my school. For the first five or so minutes, I found myself standing alone by a punch bowl, because I tend to be early to everything even when I try to be late (it's a blessing and a curse). Eventually, I was invited over to a table, and sat with a couple very nice girls who I had been wanting to get to know better anyway. 

The second part of the banquet included going to a fairground that had been decorated for the holidays. This place, entitled "Winter Wonderland", was covered with Christmas lights and Frank Sinatra's voice could be heard even above the shouts of happiness from people on rides. Personally, I'm not a big fan of rides simply because I don't like heights or fast speeds, but when I saw the Ferris wheel I knew that was one thing I really wanted to do. Another girl and I spent the ride trading off who was terrified and who was trying to calm the other one down, which we laughed about later. During one of the moments when my fear had subsided, I took the picture below. 

I rode on a spinning teacup with a girl I didn't know very well and we both almost threw up after. I went on a merry-go-round in my fanciest dress and jumped like a child into three large puddles. I drank hot chocolate while looking at Christmas lights, and I got to know more people I didn't know very well. I was reluctant to go in the first place because I was slightly heartbroken. I didn't want to put myself in a position where that heartbreak could be stretched even further, but I'm glad I talked myself into going anyway. Before leaving, I told myself not to dwell on the things that made me upset, but instead to look for the many good things. I had a good time not only because I was surrounded by lovely people, but because I had made the conscious decision to find reasons to be happy. 

I hope that you all can find good things this week, and hopefully you find things to be thankful for as well. 

From the top of the Ferris wheel... 

Maybe Next Year

Originally published on December 09th, 2016

I have always been someone who loves music. I've been in school choirs since kindergarten, and when I was fifteen I started writing songs. Music (along with writing) is how I express myself and find ways to make the world a little clearer. However, I have found that although music is such a huge part of who I am, my low self-esteem tends to creep in quite often. I tend to be very self-conscious about my voice, but I wasn't always this way. 

From kindergarten to eighth grade, I attended a very small private school with an average of twelve people in my class. Because of this, there wasn't much competition when it came to things like music and sports. I got used to not worrying about solo tryouts because it was always a given that I would be singing one. I left that school convinced that I had the most wonderful voice in the world (okay, not really, but I thought I was better than most). 

For high school, I landed in an environment that was far more competitive. My class tripled in size, and the choir had about 90 more students than the one at my previous school. In this choir, solos automatically were chosen for students in the elite choir, which I was okay with. After all, I was new and wasn't exactly looking for more attention. The only problem I found with being part of a larger choir was that I sometimes caught myself comparing myself to other singers. I would think things like "Her voice is so much clearer than mine" or "I wish I could belt like she can." I dug myself into a hole of self-consciousness and only sang around a few select people, and even then it was extremely soft. 

My Sophomore year, however, I was used to my new surroundings and felt better about my voice. This led to me deciding to try out for the elite choir. I didn't get in (which is a totally different story), and this took what small amount of confidence I had found again and squeezed it into a pulp. I spent the remainder of the year thinking "Maybe next year I'll try out again because _____ will have graduated" or "Maybe next year I'll audition for that solo because I'll be older and maybe that will help." 

This year, I am once again at a new school, and the choir has over a hundred students. I didn't try out for their elite choir due to the confidence drop I felt last time, but I am still in choir. Yesterday (I'm writing this on a Friday), I went to a dress rehearsal for the Christmas concert tonight. There are four soloists- all with clear voices who can belt beautifully. As I was sitting listening to them last night, I couldn't help but think "What must it be like to not think 'maybe next year I'll try out because ___ will have graduated by then'?" It was a small thought, but it kept me thinking all through today. 

I've said this before, but comparing yourself to other people is ridiculous for many reasons. I've come to learn that there is always going to be someone that is better than you. Do I sound like Lea Salonga? Of course not. The only person who sounds like Lea Salonga is Lea Salonga. But just because I don't sound like someone else, that doesn't mean I should put off auditioning for things. I have realized in the last year that some of the best things that I have happened to me happened because of a rejection from something else. I guess where I'm going with this is that although there will always be someone out there who is better than you, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. You never know what will happen, but nothing will happen if you don't do anything at all. 

Go For a Walk If It Is Not Too Dark

Originally shared on December 04th, 2016

Go for a walk, if it is not too dark. Get some fresh air; try to smile.

Say something kind to a safe-looking stranger, if one happens by.

Always exercise your heart's knowing. You might as well attempt something real along this path:

Take your spouse or your lover in your arms the way you did when you first met.

Let tenderness pour from your eyes the way the Sun gazes warmly on the earth.

Start a game with some children. Extend yourself to a friend. 

Sing a few ribald songs to your pets and plants- why not let them get drunk and loose?

Let's toast every rung we've climbed on evolution's ladder.

Whisper, "I love you! I love you!" to the whole mad world.

Let's stop reading about God- we will never understand Him. 

Jump to your feet, wave your fists, threaten and warn the whole universe

That your heart can no longer live without real and lasting feelings! 

~ Hafiz 

My Creativity is Gone

Originally published on November 27th, 2016

Throughout my life so far, I have discovered many things. I don't like water chestnuts (or chestnuts in general), walking/driving across bridges, and I'm scared of those mannequins you see in museums that look like real people but aren't. I've also learned that whenever I try to be creative, I end up in a rut that I can't seem to escape. This past week was one such time, and I still can't seem to regain that sense of creativity. 

When I was fifteen, I wrote my first song, and I've been writing them ever since, but haven't been able to finish one in a while. When I was sixteen, I wrote my first poem, but haven't been able to write one since (hence the lack of poems on this website). As someone who thrives off of being creative and expressing myself, it's very difficult to be in a position where literally everything I start ends up being discarded for various reasons. Typically, when I'm in a "creativity rut," I'll force myself to start something, but will get rid of it because it either sounds too much like something someone else has done, or I just hate it. Usually, it's the latter...

I honestly don't know what I'm trying to say here... I'm really just rambling because I've lost all sense of creativity. I also think I've won the award for how many times someone can use the word "creativity" in an article. Hopefully, I'll be back soon with someone a little more me, I guess, but for now, please enjoy this post of me just rambling away... I do it offline as well. 

Two Years of Gratitude

Originally published on November 24th, 2016

I'm thankful for my family... I'm thankful for my friends... I'm thankful for my animals...

Growing up, I was never the most thankful person. Sure, on Thanksgiving I would say the things that most people say, such as family and friends, but other than that, I never gave gratitude a second thought. I went through life occasionally finding things to be thankful for, but usually, especially when praying, only focused on things I needed or wanted. I took a lot of things for granted, until November of 2014. 

The summer before my Freshman year of high school, I moved away from the house I had lived in for 12 years, and the school I'd been at for 9 years. I left the beach, mountains, and my swim team for a rental home, tiny bedroom, and 40-degree mornings in the winter time (for someone who was used to wearing sandals in January, this was not an easy adjustment). Fortunately, I was able to meet some people before moving, so my first day wasn't actually that bad. However, as the year progressed, I began to sink into a pit of anxiety that I couldn't see a way out of. I remember crying myself to sleep some nights because not only did I miss things that were familiar, but I was just so paranoid all the time. I spent a lot of time looking up "remedies for anxiety" and reading articles about how drinking chamomile tea is the best way to fall asleep when worried. 

By November, I'd had enough of being anxious, and decided to try the one thing that every website suggested but that I had always deemed "too trivial," which was to simply find something to be thankful for every day. I'll admit that the first time I did it I felt a little silly, but as time went on it began to get a lot easier. I started to branch out of the "I'm thankful for my family and friends," and began to realize all the other things that I was thankful for. I was thankful for my fluffy purple blanket, the leftover pizza I had for lunch, that I passed a test I wasn't really prepared for, and so many other things. I found that if I was able to find just three things to be thankful for, I would begin to notice the countless other reasons I had to be happy about. 

Now, in November of 2016, I still find at least three things to be thankful for every day. Sometimes I really have trouble finding things, but once I do, my overall day suddenly seems far better than it did before. I won't say that my anxiety fully went away when I started this practice, but it certainly has dwindled over the last couple of years. The last two years have been some of the happiest years of my entire life, and I credit that not only to finding things to be thankful for, but also to the amazing people I have met and my family that has always been there for me.

Today may be Thanksgiving, but that doesn't mean that you have to stop being thankful tomorrow or next week. Thornton Wilder once said that "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures," and I completely agree with that. Finding things to be thankful for allows us to understand and appreciate the wonders around us. As for me, this year I am thankful for not only my family, friends, animals, and circumstances, but I am thankful for earl gray tea (with milk and sugar, thank you very much), my Ravenclaw sweatshirt (the most comfortable article of clothing I have ever owned), and this website. I'm so thankful that it's finally here and that people seem to be reading it- it's a nice feeling :-). 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and I hope you can all find something to be thankful for every day. 

My Favorite Books From Childhood

originally published on November 13th, 2016

If you've read anything that I've written for this website, you'll know that I love reading. I love getting lost in a totally new world, and I love writing new worlds for other people to lose themselves in. I have always been a storyteller. In fact, when I was little, I used to line up my stuffed animals and tell them stories about princesses, astronauts, and mean second-grade girls. Over the course of my childhood, I read many books that shaped who I would eventually become, and I have pulled together five such books. Some of them inspired me to write, others inspired me to act, and some simply allowed me to lose myself in my own imagination. Without further ado, here are five of my favorite books from childhood: 

1. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo

I think it's funny that I keep saying I hardly ever cry at books, and then immediately after talk about a book that made me cry... Kate DiCamillo has a habit of making me ugly cry with her writing. This miraculous story (ha, get it?) is the first book that I can remember crying at. I was eleven years old, sitting in a chair listening to my mom read to me, and she was crying too. This is a story about a toy china rabbit who gets lost and meets many characters on his journey to finding his owner again. Some of the people he meets are kind, and others are terribly cruel. It's such a beautiful story that ends just as beautifully. I've read this a couple times in the last six years, and every time something different sticks out to me. 

2. A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett

This is the book that made me want to be an author. It is also the book that made me want to be a princess even more than I already did, but mostly it made me want to write. I remember being ten years old and disappearing behind the bookshelf at school during math time and reading this in secret. For a while, I wanted to name my future daughter Ermengarde, because she's my favorite character. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends. I would walk around the playground using the curb as a tightrope, trying not to fall over. I would practice standing up straight, perfecting my posture so I would walk just like Sara. This book gave me an escape, but it also gave me the dream of being a writer, which is something I can finally say I am doing. 

3. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry

Lois Lowry is another author that has a way of captivating my entire self. The Giver series is another set of books that I love dearly, but I excluded it as well as all the American Girl books because they are series and I wanted to only include single books. Number the Stars is the book that began my obsession with history and Denmark- a country that I have yet to visit. This book sparked a sense of curiosity in me for the things I don't understand. There's something about the idea of what friendships is that makes this story as beautiful as it is. 

4. The Swish of the Curtain by Pamela Brown

When I was eight years old, the dance studio where I took ballet and tap lessons had a couple weeks set aside for acting lessons. The teacher had written a couple plays and I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to participate in both of them. After the last play was over, I overheard the director tell my mom that I was a good actress for an eight-year-old, and that struck something in me. I had a drama class in sixth and seventh grade, and then did drama again my Freshman year of high school, as well as a couple months my Sophomore year. This book is the reason for that. From the ages of eight to fifteen, I read it at least once a year. It's about a group of kids aged eight to sixteen, and they found the Blue Door Theater Company after discovering that they are all interested in the arts. Every time I read this, I found myself identifying with a different character, whether that only be based on age or on shared interests. I loved this book very much, and I still do. It was the encouragement that I needed. 

5. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

I have saved the best for last. This is the book that I will defend until I am old and gray, and will forever go back to for comfort. My mom read this to me and my brother when I was nine years old, and that was by far one of the worst times of my entire life. I don't know what it is about a little mouse talking about love, but it was exactly what I needed at that time of life, and still need today. Some of my favorite quotes come from this book, including "Love, as we have already discussed, is a powerful, wonderful, ridiculous thing, capable of moving mountains. And spools of thread." I have loved every book by Kate DiCamillo, but this one is definitely my favorite. This book sits in the middle at the top of my bookshelf, basking in the glory of my accolades. Out of all the books on this list, I have read this one the most. I didn't mention it in my "16 Books I Read While Being 16" post, but I read this one twice. This is such a beautiful portrayal of love, loss, family, and forgiveness, and it is right up there with "To Kill A Mockingbird" when it comes to my favorite books. 

An Open Letter to Alice Paul

Originally published on November 10th, 2016

Dear Alice Paul,

When I was in fourth grade, my teacher assigned us the first essay I ever had to write. The only requirement was that it had to be about someone in history that we admired, and after a few days of searching, I chose to write about you. From a young age, I have always been fascinated by women who fought for their right to vote. You were such a key player in that achievement, and I remember being awestruck by all the things you did to make it happen. 

Now, I am 17 years old. It has been seven years since I wrote my essay, but every now and then I think back to the research and I can't help but wonder what you would be thinking right now. You once, very wisely, said that you "never doubted that equal rights was the right direction. Most reforms, most problems are complicated. But to me, there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality." You were right, there is nothing complicated about equality. Women have been able to vote in America for a little over 96 years now, and women have served in politics as mayors, governors, congresswomen, and on the senate as well. 

But there was more to be done. 

On July 26th, 2016, 95 years,  eleven months, and four days after women received the right to vote, Hillary Clinton was nominated by the Democratic National Convention to be President of the United States of America. I am sorry that you never lived to see that day, but I am so thankful because all the work that you put in made it possible. Without you, Susan B. Anthony, Lucretia Mott, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and countless others, Hillary Clinton would never have been able to run, let alone been nominated. Actually, she never would have been able to even vote. 

On November 08th, 2016, Hillary Clinton lost the election to the Republican nominee. I won't say his name, and I won't say what he stands for, because he doesn't deserve it. Instead, I'm going to focus on what is positive. 

Hillary Clinton got far; women got far. And even going beyond that: good people got far. No matter who won the election, the goodness that lies in America will not go away. Women proved throughout this election that we can do whatever men can do, and that will not go away. There will be people who will continue to be good; people who continue to fight for what they believe is right. I promise to be one of those people. I promise to be one of those women. In 2020, I will be able to use my right to vote that you gave me, and I promise to use it. 

I will keep searching, fighting, and serving for good. Thank you for all that you did- we never would have gotten this far without you. 

~ Claira Eastwood 

Mistakes- It’s Ok to Make Them

Originally published on November 06th, 2016

If you've read some of my past writings, you'll know that I am currently a Junior in high school. When I switched schools this year, I was surprised to learn that I was going to be able to take an AP Language class, which was something I had always been interested in. I'm also taking a British Literature class, which is by far my favorite class this year. These classes require a lot of outside work and need a lot of prep for the tests and quizzes. I feel very lucky to be able to take these classes at all, but those mixed with all the other classes I'm taking (12 in all), things can get a little stressful. 

Every Tuesday and every other Thursday, I work in the first-grade classroom at my school. Sometimes, there are still kids working, and over the last few months, I have gotten to know a couple of them fairly well. One little girl, in particular, is there quite often, so I see her a least once a week. When I work, I vacuum, wipe down desks and chairs, clean the blackboard, and occasionally will grade a couple of papers. On this last Tuesday, I was vacuuming when I accidentally hit a desk, causing a chair and dozens of markers, crayons, and pencils fell to the ground. Immediately, two little girls rushed over and began to help me clean up through my cries of "No, it's okay! I can do it, it's fine!" The girl I see most often looked up at me and said, "It's okay. We all make mistakes, and it's okay to let other people help you." She didn't know it, but those words went straight to my heart, and my already emotional self fought back the tears that were forming.  

Here's the thing: I love school. I always have, and I probably always will. I love writing, and I love reading, which is why I chose the classes that I did. But like I said earlier, those classes are hard, and require a lot of time outside of class. Over the last few months, I have tried to do everything by myself. I don't like asking for help- actually, I really hate asking for help. I don't like appearing weak, or as though I can't handle something I brought onto myself. This little first-grade child was able to make me forget about that for a moment. I looked at her and realized that she was right- it really is okay to let other people help you. Asking for help does not make you appear weak. Showing emotions does not make you appear weak. Actually, if you think about it, it makes you appear stronger. Asking for help, being vulnerable, and showing emotions are not things to be ashamed of. In fact, they should be cherished. 

16 Things I Learned While Being 16

Originally published on October 30th, 2016

1. Find things to be thankful for everyday...

But don't base all your happiness on someone else. Find beauty and joy in the ordinary, and tell people you love that you love them. 

2. When you have the chance to go to a concert, go to the concert...

School will be there tomorrow. Troye Sivan won't be. 

3. Believe in your own abilities...

Just because someone is really athletic, doesn't mean that you can't run fast. Just because someone gets better scores on tests than you, doesn't mean that you aren't smart. There is always going to be someone out there who is better than you, but that doesn't mean that you aren't talented, brilliant, and funny. You have so many incredible qualities that make you an amazing, unique human being. Believe in those qualities. 

4. Keep trying...

Try out for everything that you want to be a part of, and if you don't get in or get the part? Yeah, go ahead and cry in a high school bathroom stall at 10:00 in the morning, but don't think that just because you weren't right for something at that moment, you won't be right for it EVER. Keep trying at the things that are important to you, and don't give up. Perseverance. It's a good thing.   

5. Be okay with letting friendships go...

Even though it's important to keep trying and to not give up at the first sign of trouble, sometimes there are situations where you need to do just that. If a friendship or relationship isn't working anymore, it's okay to let it go and not feel guilty about it. Sometimes it's no one's fault, it just wasn't working anymore. You don't need to feel guilty for removing yourself from a relationship that makes you feel unhappy.

6. Don't let rejection change how you see yourself...

This kind of goes along with what I said about persevering and not giving up when something doesn't work out, but not letting rejection change how you see yourself is so important that I think it deserves its own number. Just because you were rejected from something or someone does not mean that you aren't a good person who has many brilliant things to offer the world. 

7. Don't define yourself by your grades...

Grades do not equal intelligence. Test scores do not equal intelligence. Just because someone got a better grade on something than you DEFINITELY does NOT mean that you aren't smart. 

8. Believe in more than one kind of beautiful...

Everyone has something that is beautiful about them. EVERYONE. Countrysides and city lights are both beautiful, but if they looked the same, they wouldn't be as spectacular anymore. There is something beautiful about everyone, inside and out. It's high time that we all started to believe in more than one kind of beautiful. 

9. Show people your music...

It's scary, and it requires a huge sense of vulnerability, but it's worth it. Even if you share it with one person over text, it's worth it.

10. Learn how to be alone without being lonely...

Find peace in solitude, and beauty in silence. It is in the times that we are alone that we discover things about ourselves that we never would have discovered otherwise. 

11. Read everything you can get your hands on...

Sixteen was the year that I read a lot. I had made it my ambition to read 16 while being 16, and I did it (list of books I read has been posted!) Read the books you don't think you'll like, and certainly don't judge a book on it's cover.    

12. Read poetry...

It makes you a better writer and human being. 

13. Tell teachers you appreciate them when you have the chance...

You'll regret it later if you don't.

14. Know that with every mistake, there is a lesson to be learned...

Apologize when you've done something wrong, and forgive yourself as well. Learn from your mistakes, and be honest with yourself.

15. Don't think that new friends are limited to those in the same grade as you...

Sometimes the people in your class aren't as compatible with your spirit as you wish they were. It's okay to make friends outside of your class, and it may be the best decision you make all year. 

16. Wait, it gets better...

Your tears will dry, and your happiness will return. Just give it a little time.   

Sixteen was such an amazing age, and I'm going to miss it terribly. But here's to seventeen, I know it can only get better. 

16 Books While Being 16

Originally published on October 27th, 2016

I am a huge reader, but there was a period of time where I didn't read very much. During the ages of thirteen and fifteen, I had a tendency to start books and then never finish them, so when I turned sixteen, I knew something needed to be done. I decided to read sixteen books before October 29th, 2016- my 17th birthday- and I did it! I thought it might be kind of cool to look back on all the books I've read, and see what I've learned from reading them. So here you go! The 16 books I read while being 16:

1. Looking For Alaska by John Green

The main thing I learned from reading this book was to not finish it the same day the person who recommended it to you leaves for the Philippines. Otherwise, you'll end up pacing your room wanting to explode with emotions but can't because they don't get back for another two weeks. It was a rough fourteen days... In all seriousness, though, this book was incredible. I've read The Fault In Our Stars, Paper Towns, and An Abundance of Katherines, and this book was just as, if not more so, amazing. I highly recommend this book if you're a bit of a history nerd and have the heart of a rebel. 

2. Sounds Like Me by Sara Bareilles

I got this book around the time that I was babysitting a LOT, so this was mostly read around 8:00 when children were asleep and I needed something to do. Sara Bareilles has always been a musician that I admire (she was at my first concert, actually!), and her book was very much like her songs- brilliant, full of vulnerability, and sometimes quite funny. I don't have much to say about it other than it's an amazing book that should be read by everyone who loves music and wants to understand themselves a little more. 

3. The Tiny Wife by Andrew Kaufman

This is a small book, only 88 pages, but there is a lot packed into it. Carrie Hope Fletcher (Actress, Singer, and Youtuber) made a video a few years ago where she talked about some of her favorite books, and this was one of them. I read it in a day while sitting in a window seat, and it was one of the loveliest afternoons I've ever had. This book is excellent to read if you feel as though you've forgotten the important things in life or if you just want to get back into reading but can't find the time. I really felt like I learned a lot about what's important in life when I read this one. I will say, though, that it was really hard to find so I recommend going to amazon or another online store that sells books if you are interested. 

4. All I Know Now by Carrie Hope Fletcher

As I mentioned earlier, Carrie Hope Fletcher is an actress, singer, and YouTuber, but I neglected to mention that she's also a writer! She has a new book out now entitled On The Other Side , which I will definitely be picking up the next time I'm in England. This book, however, I read this year and it was spectacular. It's part memoir, part advice, and everything is written in such a way that you feel as though you are talking to her other than just reading words on a page. This book helped me come to terms with my perfectionism, and be okay with making mistakes. I would recommend it to anyone who is feeling a little bit lonely or needs some advice. 

5. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

After realizing that I wouldn't have the chance to read this for school, I bought it while in Los Angeles during Spring Break. This copy has suffered two backpack water bottle induced floods, and some of the pages are a little torn because of it, but there is so much love inside. All of the books on this list are very important to me, and I love them all dearly, but this is definitely my favorite book. The story touches my soul in a way that other books have never done, and every chapter as something new and important to say. 

6./7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

The only reason these two are in one is because I had to get the pictures for these and #8 from a friend because they are her books and I don't live near her anymore (*tears*), but just because they're grouped together doesn't make them any less important to me! Chamber of Secrets is the book that really got me into Harry Potter, actually. The first one was amazing, but it wasn't until I read this one that I felt captivated by the story and all it had to share. Also, Ginny Weasley is amazing, so need I say more? As for Prisoner of Azkaban, it is definitely my favorite of the entire series. This may or may not have anything to do with my love of Sirius, but moving on from that... The twists at the end kept me on the edge of my seat for a good two hours after school one day. 

8. Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Like I said, this was another of the books I borrowed from my friend and she had to send me pictures. She's one of those beautifully artistic types, hence the flower :-). This book was also incredibly beautiful, and I still can't believe that it took me so long to read it. I would recommend reading it and then also seeing the movie, because there are some things that I didn't catch until watching the movie, and there are some things I don't think I would have noticed if I hadn't read the book first. The whole thing is both relatable and yet spectacular all the same. There is a line at the beginning where Mr. Anderson, the English teacher, says to Charlie, "they say if you make one friend on your first day you're doing okay," and that one line got me through my first day at a new school last August. This is a very important book, and I don't think I can fully explain why, but it just is. 

9. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

This is one of those books that stays with you long after you close the back cover. The same person who recommended Looking for Alaska told me to read this one, and since he had been right before, I figured I might as well- and I am so glad that I did. This book is great if you are trying to find where you fit into the world, and what you want to be known for. I can't say that I was able to totally relate to everything in this book, but the idea of trying to find the secrets to the universe is very beautiful to me. 

10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

This is the Harry Potter book that too me the longest time to finish, which is probably why I was scrambling to finish all 16 books by the time October came around. All things considered, though, this book was incredible. I specifically love Dumbledore and McGonagall in this one, as well as Hermione. Mad-Eye also makes his first appearance, so that was one of my favorite moments. This book was the one in the entire series that focused on character development more than anything else, at least in my opinion. 

11. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

OKAY, where do I begin? This was easily one of my favorite books that I read this year, and I don't think I'm completely over the ending yet. Everything about this book was incredible- the characters, the length, the twists throughout the entire thing, everything was amazing. This was the first Harry Potter book that I found myself crying at, which is saying something because I came pretty close during Prisoner of Azkaban and I usually don't cry at books anyway. 

12. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I don't have a picture for this one, because it was also borrowed, but here's a link to it if you want to find it (or just see a picture... The illustrations are beautiful): https://www.amazon.com/Little-Prince-Antoine-Saint-Exupéry/dp/0156012197/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477507390&sr=8-1&keywords=the+little+prince

Okay, I know I just said that I don't really cry at books, but I definitely cried while reading this one. The chapter with the fox in particular got to me, and I was a crying mess until the end of the book. Like The Tiny Wife, it's a shorter book that I read in a day while sitting in a window seat. I also learned a lot from this book; a lot about myself, a lot about the world around me, and a lot about things that seem unreal. 

13. Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

I have always been fascinated by the idea of family, and likewise books that center around families. This is one of those books that really makes you think. I found myself relating to every character at least once during the novel, and some more often. Hannah in particular was a character I could see myself in throughout the entire book. This is a great book to read if you are constantly feeling misunderstood, or like you're constantly feeling as though you are misunderstanding. 

14. The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho

This is one of those books that I didn't fully understand until the end of it, but I'm glad I kept reading because it was an incredible story. It's all about good vs. evil, and which of those wins out most of the time. I won't spoil anything, but the last few chapters were certainly a roller coaster. 

15. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

NOPE. NOT OKAY. I AM REALLY NOT OKAY... And I finished this a month ago. This was ironically the book I was looking forward to reading the most, but it broke me in every possible way. Even so, it's a wonderful book. The writing is exquisite, and the story is exciting. It's upsetting, but exciting. There isn't really anything I can say about it without giving away any spoilers, so let's just move on to the final book shall we?

16. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by J.K. Rowling

So I went on my Junior/Senior class retreat last weekend, and came back with a cold. Because of this, I stayed home on Wednesday with tissues and tea and much of that day was spent reading this. Once I finished it on Thursday, I just curled up in a little ball. This entire series means so much to me. All the characters, all the story lines, all the emotions that go along with it. I will say, though, that the title is extremely accurate, and I was ready to stop after chapter six. SIX. Aside from that, I really loved this book. Now I will go watch all the movies and cry... 

All of the books I read this year have impacted me incredibly. They all represent a certain period of time this year and remind me of where and who I was while reading them. And now I'm off to read 17 books while being 17, and here's to another year of reading :-).

Green Walls and Books

Originally published on October 23rd, 2016

I moved recently, and as anyone who has moved and loves books will know, it came with a side effect of being-without-books-itis. During the few months that I was living out of boxes, I accumulated a few books (4-7 of Harry Potter, some poetry collections, and Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy), but I missed being surrounded by all my books. Over the years, I have bought/been given books that have changed how I view the world, or have given me a greater insight into things that I thought I understood. It felt strange to be away from them for so long, as if I had left behind a piece of myself.

Being away from most of my possessions for a few months got me thinking, though. Why do we put so much into what we have? I've talked before about how I am an extremely sentimental person, and how I don't like getting rid of things unless I absolutely have to, but I still found it strange how much I missed things when they were only down the stairs and in the garage. 

When moving day came, I went into my new room with the freshly painted green walls (think Kermit the Frog, only a little less bright), and immediately laid down in the middle of the floor. This is a somewhat odd tradition that I started when my dad moved into his first apartment. Little nine year old me wandered into the bedroom carrying a polka dotted suitcase, and plopped herself down in the middle of the floor to stare up at the ceiling. Since that day, it has become a tradition for me to stare at the ceiling of every room I call my own, and this room was certainly no different. Once I stood up again, I got to unpacking my books. I pulled out Shakespeare, Jane Austen, John Green, John Knowles, and Harper Lee. Childhood favorites were placed in prime spots, and old school textbooks went near the bottom (I don't ever want to even THINK about geometry again if I can help it!). It felt like being reunited with old friends again, and I loved every moment of taking the books out of their boxes and placing carefully back on the shelves. 

I think it's funny how we tend to leave pieces of ourselves in our possessions. The things that we acquire throughout the years hold pieces of us that we don't always think about until we are reunited with those physical objects. I love my books very much, they are a huge part of who I am. I always have one with me, and even though I definitely have a favorite (To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee), every single one holds a special place in my heart. I am very happy to be surrounded by all of them again, along with my green walls. Change is good, but also scary, and having familiar faces (or dust jackets) can make everything that much easier!

A portion of my bookshelf :-)

10/15-10/16

Originally published on October 19th, 2016

This past weekend was definitely one that will not be forgotten quickly! I moved quite recently, and leaving behind a bunch of amazing friends wasn't easy, so seeing them was incredible. The weekend started with dinner on Saturday night with my closest friends, and ended with a Troye Sivan concert that was spectacular. 

When I moved, one of the things I had been worried about was coming back to visit and feeling like an outsider among my own group of friends. Luckily, I didn't feel like that. I was caught up on everything that I had missed, but I didn't feel like they were bragging about all the great things they were getting to do, I just felt like they were telling me stories. It was a little strange to hear them say it was "their class" instead of "our class", but I guess that's to be expected after a while. My favorite part of the night by far, however, was walking through the rain to get ice cream. We didn't have an umbrella, so we resorted to using a waterproof blanket, which covered about two and a half people at a time. With a group of five, it made for an interesting walk. I loved being able to do something out of the ordinary with them again. Saying goodbye was hard, but luckily I saw two of them again the next day. Technology has proven to be something very important to me since the move, because I'm able to talk to my best friends every day even though we're a good two hours apart. 

Sunday night was probably one of my favorite memories. Troye Sivan has been one of my favorite musicians since I stumbled upon his youtube channel in 2014, and seeing him in concert was absolutely amazing. I have found that being at a concert is an excellent way to stand out while also blending in. You feel invincible, and hopefully, you're surrounded by people who give off a good energy. I didn't discover this until after I was already home, but I was lucky enough to hear the live debut of "Blue", which is definitely one of my top favorite songs on the entire album. March-May of this year was an especially happy time of life for me, and it also happened to be around the same time that I was listening to Troye's music a lot. So being in the presence of music that had been the soundtrack to an amazing time of life for me was so incredible, and being able to experience it with some of my best friends made it even better. 

I feel very blessed to have had the weekend that I did. I have some truly amazing friends, and I have an incredible mom who gives me some fantastic opportunities that I know I would never had had otherwise. So, thank you to everyone who made this past weekend possible, and I love you more than all the stars in the sky! 

Sorry for the blurriness of this picture, but it was difficult to get even this!

:-) 

Beginnings

Originally published on September 14th, 2016

When I was in first grade, I wrote my first story. It was about a cat, and I remember being so proud of it that when it was finished I asked my mom to read it as my bedtime story. Since then, I haven't stopped writing (although my characters have matured over the years!), and have had the dream of one day having a place to put all my writings. When I was in seventh grade, I wrote my diary as a blog for a few months. When I decided I wanted to my diary to go back to being a little more personal (so I could describe the drama every thirteen-year-old girl goes through on a daily basis...), I concocted the idea of starting a website because I still loved the blog idea. Well, almost four years later and I'm doing it! 

Beginnings are important. Your first breath, your first step, your first day of school, all of these are beginnings to something. Whether it's the beginning of your school life or your entire life, beginnings are important. This is one of my beginnings. I love making people happy. I love making people laugh, and I love seeing people smile because it makes me smile. I want this website to be a place where people can go knowing that they will leave happy. Sure, I may sometimes write about deeper topics, but most of the time I'll post pictures of things that make me happy, and I'll share poems and funny stories of my experiences. Thank you for starting this new beginning with me, and here we go!

Old Shoes

Originally published on September 27th, 2016

When I was little, I wasn't very good at keeping my room clean. When it got so bad that my mom would tell me to "make a path" before bed so she wouldn't trip over books and toys when saying goodnight to me, I would meet the "three piles"- keep, give away, throw away. 

I didn't like the second or third piles very much. 

The system worked like this: my mom would hold something, like a book or stuffed animal, and ask me "keep, give, or throw away?", and I would tell her what I wanted to do with it. Occasionally, there would be a few things that I didn't feel any sort of attachment to anymore, and they were usually donated. However, usually I much rather preferred to keep my books, my stuffed animals, and my dolls. 

I haven't changed much since. Of course, I'm far more willing to give, and about twice a year I look over my belongings and decide what I do and don't use and donate what I'm not attached to anymore, but for things that hold sentimental value? They stay with me for as long as possible.

Take my old gray shoes as an example. I have had these shoes for about a year and a half now and have worn them almost every day since I got them. I wore them around England and Scotland, I wore them on many school trips and events, and I wore them when I started at a new school.  To put it plainly, I have formed quite an attachment to these shoes purely because of the memories I made while wearing them. So when the hole by my right pinky toe got so noticeable that you could see my red elephant socks, I knew that my mom was right. I needed new shoes. It wasn't that I was against the idea of new shoes, or that I thought it would be a waste to get them, I simply didn't want to let go of the memories attached to my old gray ones. The thing is, though, the memories don't disappear when the shoes do. In fact, my new pair of shoes are just that- new. They've made room for new memories, new experiences, and new adventures. I am still an incredibly sentimental person, I'm just a sentimental person with purple shoes instead of gray ones. 

Change isn't easy for anyone, and in many cases, it comes with feelings of loss. Whether you're moving or starting something new, change feels like a loss of the familiar. But sometimes the unfamiliar isn't a bad thing. Just like the purple shoes, it makes room for new memories, experiences, and adventures. It gives you a chance to become something different or expand on who you already are. It can fix the holes and clean the dirt and make you feel new and fresh. Sure, it's still scary and you need to break yourself in a little bit, but eventually, you'll look back on when everything was scary and different and realize that the blister is gone. You're comfortable and happy where and who you are.