The One Where I'm Officially a Sophomore: September 2019
Originally published on September 30th, 2019
Monday, September 02nd - Yesterday I plopped myself down on a train heading to Oregon to visit Emma and Kiana. The twelve hour ride turned to fourteen, but seeing so many trees out the window made things a bit better. Today I saw Emma for the first time in almost three months, and even though we’ve been talking everyday it’s always hard to be away from dear friends. It’s possible I shrieked in happiness when I saw her. Sure, I probably sprained my ankle today, but I’m really happy to be in Oregon for the next few days with some of the people I love most.
Tuesday, September 03rd - Yup, my ankle is definitely a bit messed up. How’d I do it, you may ask? Well, on that fourteen hour train ride I ate nothing but a granola bar around 1:00 in the morning, so come 2:00 in the afternoon and I was pretty dizzy, but excited to see Emma. Ignoring the hunger, I also tripped over a small ledge in the sidewalk, and promptly fell over, badly rolling (possibly spraining?) my ankle in the process. Still, Oregon is beautiful and Emma and I are heading over to see Kiana later today. Here’s hoping I’ll be able to go on walks with them very soon.
Wednesday, September 04th - Kiana has three dogs, and one of them recently had ten puppies, nine of whom still happened to be with them when Emma and I showed up. Today we got to play with them for a little bit, and I was at the bottom of many a puppy pile. After saying goodbye to the puppies, Kiana, Emma, and I went into downtown Bend, where we ate gelato and drank tea and walked through stores. Today was the last time the three of us will be in the same place for over a year, and while that thought was in the back of my mind all day, it was still a good day filled with good tea and good walks. It was a very us day.
Thursday, September 05th - I’ve always said I want to officially move to Washington after college, but this trip to Oregon may have changed my mind. It’s so beautiful here, and every time I’ve visited this state I always come away feeling a little more like myself. So we’ll see what happens, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I wound up moving to Oregon after graduating. Today was my last visiting Emma, and even though I’ll see her again in a couple weeks when school starts up, saying goodbye is never easy.
Saturday, September 07th - I got back to California yesterday, and today I went for a walk with my mom near where my grandparents live. We’d been told the geese were gone for the year, but it turns out many are sticking around a little longer. The walk was lovely, and it was good to talk with my mom. Unfortunately, it seems walking 8 miles after hurting your ankle (over the course of the five days since my clumsy-ness appeared) isn’t a good idea, and I spent some more time under ice (or, frozen corn).
Thursday, September 12th - This is the face of a pretty tired, anxious girl who is trying her hardest to feel better about a whole bundle of things. I attempted contacts for the second time yesterday (after three and a half years of avoiding it), and even though my mom says I did better than the last time I have my doubts. SO I’m going back over Christmas break and I ordered five pairs of new glasses to try on to see which ones I want to stick with in the meantime. I have friends who are figuring their own stuff out and I’m trying to figure out how to be friends with everyone I love even when they can’t be friends with each other. It’s hard, this whole “trying to have healthier relationships” thing. But, like I said, I’m trying to feel better. So I’m wearing stripy pants that I just got yesterday and that I like very much indeed, I’m drinking blueberry tea, and I figured out how to curl my hair with a straightener. Today it’s all in the small things.
Saturday, September 14th - Today was my last Sabbath lunch at my grandparent’s house before I come back in November. It’s been quite the summer, and the closer I get to going back to Walla Walla the more I think about this time last year, when I was before so much unknown, and how sad I was when my last Sabbath lunch came around. I’m so thankful to be where I am now- even if there’s still a lot of unknown- and I’m so thankful for little selfie shoots with my mom and grandmom <3.
Monday, September 16th - Today I tried the whole Warby Parker home trial thing, because the contacts aren’t for me quite yet but I still need new glasses. I’ve had the same ones for about five years (a century in glasses years), so trying five new pairs was really weird. The two below are the only ones I didn’t hate, but we’ll see what I end up with. In other news, today was the day both Jamie AND Kiana started over to the Spain school, so I’m a bit melancholy. But I did get to call Kiana and text Jamie, so all contact was not lost. I also started my countdown to school today, since classes and work resume in exactly a week. Seven days until school, four days until I leave.
Tuesday, September 17th - Joli, who I’ve been friends with for almost five and a half years, came up to visit for a little bit today, and it was absolutely lovely. We walked around Old Town, drank coffee, and sat in the parking lot of a park (ha) and watched chickens for the longest time. It was incredibly entertaining. It was so lovely to see her, especially since it had been over a year.
Thursday, September 19th - Today I am borrowing words. As I often do when I am without, I go to Phil Kaye or Sarah Kay, because they always have words when I have none:
“My [Grandfather] has been waiting to go for eight months now. Today [he] stands tall on the dock, [his] bag is neatly packed. ‘Smile,’ [he] says, ‘Lives are meant to be spent. Now I am in debt and I’m tired of borrowing from the people I love’” (Phil Kaye, For My Grandmother).
(June, 2015)
Friday, September 20th - Last night I packed up the car with all my stuff, and then this morning my mom and I headed out for the trip back up to school. I’m in Oregon tonight, and I’m only a few hours away from my school. It’s a strange feeling, being so close. But I am very excited to be back, and that’s not a strange feeling at all.
Saturday, September 21st - Tonight we unloaded the car and put all my stuff in my new room. I met my new roommate, and she’s lovely. She also likes plants, which is a big plus. Today feels like the calm before the storm, the period of time before I hit the ground running. Tomorrow I see a lot of people I haven’t seen in 14 weeks, and some I’ve never met before. I’m excited, and tired, and very, very happy.
Monday, September 23d - Today is my first day back to classes and work and all that jazz. I’m writing this in the bakery at 6:30 AM, a few hours before it all officially begins. Yesterday was a weird one. I said goodbye to my mom, which I always hate doing, and then I unpacked as much as I could before seeing so many people I probably can’t tell you all the names. I tried go to to sleep and my head wouldn’t turn off, so I tossed and turned for a few hours. I’m still not quite sure if that was because I’m just excited or if my brain is just very overwhelmed. I think it might be a bit of both.
Tuesday, September 24th - Oh my word, the last two days have been insane. Yesterday I got up at 5:30, had three classes, two shifts at work, a rehearsal for a thing, and an orientation at 9:15 pm (I was not pleased). Today I had a hard conversation with a friend (that went well), one class, and then stayed in the Black Box for work, my first day of my directing class, and then wound up helping with auditions for Ada and the Engine (our Fall Quarter production). The process of helping included many events that will make for good stories, and ended with me getting a callback, which is a lovely thing considering I hadn’t planned on auditioning at all. But now it’s off to sleep I go, in order to prepare for another busy day tomorrow.
Friday, September 27th - I cannot even begin to express how relieved I am that this week is over. It’s been a week that has continually knocked the wind right out of me and also handed me plenty of moments that said, “Here. You’re good at this. Do more of it.” It’s been a week of tears, overwhelming thoughts, and hard conversations. I’ve forced myself into vulnerable spaces without knowing what would happen. I’ve made myself say things I’d been holding in for months. I broke my own heart in an attempt to put it back together in a healthier way. I’m so happy to be crawling into my bed in a space that’s starting to feel like home again.
Saturday, September 28th - Today, in an attempt to fully recuperate from the craziness that was this week, I spent most of my time alone in my room. Last week, I think I spent a total of four(ish) hours in my dorm (not included sleep, of course), so I didn’t have a ton of time to take in my new view. The last two rooms I’ve had have both been low to street level (if not on street level), and they’ve both looked out to campus. This new room, which is on the sixth floor, looks out over the neighborhood next to campus, and when it’s a clearer day I can see mountains. Also the trees. So many trees. I’m very happy.
I’m not sure what to say about September. It was better than August, though that wasn’t hard to do. It started out so well, but once the days crossed over to the second half, things went a little downhill. This last week was a hard one, the one before wasn’t easy, either. But here’s to a beautiful October- something good must be on it’s way.