Detox Tea Talk: September 2019
Originally published on September 17th, 2019
Good morning, good morning! I know it may not be morning where you are or when you’re reading this, but as I’m writing it is 6:24 in the morning, so- Good morning, good morning! I am trying to get back into the early morning swing of things before starting school again, and, I must say, it’s actually proven to be easier than initially anticipated.
But speaking of starting school again, I have less than a week before I am back in Washington. Back with the classes, the bakery, the drama department- just back. I’m excited. I’ve missed living further north a lot this summer, and being in Oregon last week made me miss it a lot more (probably because I was with Washington-made-friendships, but still). I’m a bit (read: very) nervous about how this new year is going to turn out, especially since a lot of it is still in the unknown, but I am trying very, very, very hard to live in that uncomfortable space and allow myself to take life as it happens. It’s hard.
But anyway, as is normal at the beginning of a new school year, I have been feeling rather nostalgic (but, really, when am I not?). A couple days ago I was reading through old blog posts of mine, and I ran across the Detox Tea Talk that I wrote a year ago, in September of 2018. The last thing I wrote in that post was this: “Many different things have been up in the air, and there has always been a fear of the unknown. But tomorrow I get to pack up and walk straight into the unknown. Here’s hoping the bravery sticks around…” In only four days, I get to walk straight into that unknown again. But the unknowns are different this time.
Unlike last time, the things that are unknown are unknown because I used to know them. It’s kind of like what I told myself at the beginning of the last school year- the hard things are getting harder, but better. Walking to classes by myself used to be so difficult, but suddenly I found myself going to counseling by myself. If I hadn’t figured out how to walk to a class by myself, I could never have managed walking to counseling (even though the counseling center is closer, but you get it). I could walk to counseling by myself because I could walk to classes by myself. My bad days were hard, but they were bad because I found myself able to do things I hadn’t been able to do before. I don’t even know if that makes any sense, but it was a weird sentiment that was extremely helpful for my first couple months in Washington.
This time, as I head into a new unknown, it’s helpful to know that the new unknown things are unknown because I used to know them. Things have changed, but I am affected by those changes because I love and am loved. I formed strong friendships last year, and now I have two friends in Spain and a few others that I can’t support in the way I want to. It’s unknown, but only because I care. I have a new job that I’m nervous about and have no idea how it will turn out. It’s unknown, but only because I care. I’m moving in with someone I’ve never met before. That’s super unknown, but it’s also an adventure. It’s all an adventure. The whole thing.
~ Claira
