Scenes From the Black Box
Originally published on October 12th, 2019
September, 2018
I walk into the Black Box for the very first time. We circle up and do warm ups for the very first time. We play improv games, and I’m nervous. We do a cold reading, and I read opposite Nathan, and I’m nervous. At the end, I introduce myself to Crawford, and I’m nervous. I don’t really talk to the other students, because I’m nervous. I leave after class, and I’m happy. I had been so scared it would go badly, but after that first day I have a sneaky suspicion the Black Box is going to become my favorite place, even if I was very nervous the entire time.
November, 2018
Dorea, Rylee, and I perform our scene from Eleemosynary. It’s been such a long two weeks. Two weeks filled with a lot of confusion, and heart ache, and more confusion. Two weeks that I will look back on in almost a year and wonder how I didn’t notice more at the time. But we perform scene 5 from Eleemosynary. I give a monologue that I wasn’t able to memorize until the night before. Between finishing the scene and the class giving comments, Dorea wraps Rylee and me in a hug. It’s been such a long two weeks.
The next week, we all come to class tired. Crawford decides to let us sleep, and we spend twenty minutes in a darkened Black Box, all of us in our own little corners. It’s the first time I think of the space as meditative. It’s the first time it feels like my church.
December, 2018
It’s the last day of Acting class. The last scene is performed, and I feel tears flood my eyes. Lindsey and Kiana both take one of my hands in theirs. Technically, we still have an hour left of class, and eight of us don’t want to leave yet. We stay, and do improv games and funny warm-ups, and spend an hour not thinking about finals or how sad we are to see this class go away.
April, 2019
On the first day of Spring Quarter classes, I sneak my way into the Advanced Acting class. We do a ton of Viewpoints work, and the class becomes unofficially dubbed “P.E. for Actors.” Later that same day, I go into the Black Box for the first time as Meg. I don’t fully believe it’s happening until someone mentions blocking for Meg, and when I don’t move they say, “Claira, that’s you.”
One day in the middle of April, after a particularly rough rehearsal, Kaelyn walks over to me and asks if I’m okay. Of course, that question makes the tears fall. The rest of the cast except Emma drifts out of the room, and Crawford walks over to our little corner and asks what’s going on. I explain how I’m feeling- how I’m worried I’m not doing well enough and that I’m not sure I even belong here. Both say “no news is good news,” and that I was chosen for this role for a reason.
During a hard set of warm-ups at the end of April, Kaelyn says these words: “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in the light, breathe out everything that is not the light. Breathe in the space, breathe out everything that is outside the space.” She makes eye contact with me across the circle.
The next day, after another rough rehearsal, I walk behind a curtain and start to cry quiet sobs. Emma and Nathan go after me. When I leave, Nathan gives me a hug and Emma walks me home.
May, 2019
“This is the safest space,” Crawford says to me, and I believe him.
The show is over, but I go back into the Black Box after the cast party. I sit on my box, in the dark, and smile. Irene Ryan Nominated, I think to myself. It’s still hard to comprehend.
June, 2019
It’s the last day of Advanced Acting. We do the hard scene. We do it well. When class is over, people linger again. There are hugs, and talks of summer and next year’s plans. Crawford leaves and says the last one out needs to turn out the lights. I’m the last one out. I whisper “Thank you,” and turn out the lights.
The morning of my last day, I wake up early, make coffee, and go up the fire escape above the Black Box. Emma joins, and as the sun goes up we talk of absurd plans for each other. I say I’ll try to visit her over the summer, and the absurd plans seem to be etched into her even more. It’s a bittersweet morning.
September, 2019
I’ve walked into the Black Box for what must be over a hundred times, but today I am nervous again. I come down from the Prop Room, where I work, and sit in a chair next to Nathan. I say I’m nervous, he says there’s nothing to worry about- a familiar conversation on an unfamiliar day. Two new teachers walk in. Nathan moves and Rylee sits down. We all go through a syllabus. In two days time I will direct a scene from The Glass Menagerie. It’s the first time I’ve ever directed, and of course it’s in this space. This space I love so much. The safest space.
October, 2019
Now, this space is still my favorite. It’s the place I go to when I’m most upset. I work in the Prop Room, which is right above the Black Box, and every morning when I come into work I stand above it and look out at the place that feels like home to me. The place I act in, direct in, audition in, swing dance in, meditate in, laugh in, love in, cry in (so many times. So many). I love this place. I’m so thankful for it.
