Detox Tea Talk: June 2018

Originally published on June 24th, 2018

For whatever reason, this has been the hardest thing to write this month. I'm not sure why, but it's the Thursday before this goes live and I haven't started it yet. I've said this before, but usually the things I post are written two weeks to a full month in advance. These are different, of course, because they are stream of consciousness and I write them the month of, but still. Having something for this blog not be finished until the week of is very rare for me. 

This month has been... interesting so far to say the least. Last year, this month was the hardest by far. The year before, July was the hardest. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to worry that August 2018 is going to be a rough month. This month has been okay, though, which is good. If you remember, Books I've Read & Places I've Loved: June 2017 had one place I loved and no books I read, which made me feel awful and honesty quite helpless. Reading is something that makes me feel like myself, and when I don't do it I'm not sure what box to put myself in. I don't think any of us really do fit in boxes, but sometimes it comforts me to know that I have a category I can call my own when everything else is so up in the air. 

Like I said, this month has been interesting. I graduated on the 3rd, started an internship at a theatre on the 9th, and my anxiety started to return in full force on the 20th. I think the news has really gotten to me this month. My anxiety and mental health in general always suffer more when the news gets worse, and I don't think that's only true for myself. I've felt helpless this month, and that's not a good feeling for anyone. So I've been trying to find ways to get myself out of my shell. 

I've been journaling a lot, but sometimes that keeps me in my own head too much. Working with the theatre is good, but I'm getting less sleep because of it and that's not great for me, either. This month has felt like a small adjustment as I prepare for the big adjustment- college. After graduation, I fell into a sort of void. The last two months were spent with musical performances, music tour, robotic babies, and finals, and I used up all my energy and emotion on getting everything done before graduation. Now that I'm finished with everything, I find myself struggling to fill my time with good, productive things. The internship is good, but it's only a small part of my summer. I find myself sinking further into the hole of Netflix and Youtube without giving myself an escape. Hopefully I can figure this out by next month, 

~ Claira