Bolder Than Before

“I will fight bolder than before, bluer than the sky
I will fight beyond all the barriers they set down.
‘Cause I have covered over all the holes.
And I’m ready for it now.”
~ Layla, “Holes”

When I was 16, I created a blog called Keeps Us Stargazing. It was named after my favorite song, and named after that line in particular because I think Kermit the Frog was trying to make us think about what it is that keeps us hopeful, what it is that keeps us facing toward good things. I wanted that blog to be all about good things. I wanted to write about my life, the new things I was doing, and all my favorite books I read and places I loved (if you know, you know).

When I was 20, Keeps Us Stargazing started to fade away. I was very sad about a lot of things, and I was having a hard time finding good things to write about twice a week. By the time I was 22, I had stopped writing almost completely. I stopped blogging, at least. Keeps Us Stargazing eventually went away (though I’ve archived almost everything to this blog, so you can still find things if you want to).

Instead of blogging, I put all my writing energy into writing shorter form work. I published a book of poetry (which is also linked), and wrote lots of longer instagram captions. And that was enough for a while.

Last year, I started to feel the tug to writing more again. I created this new blog, titled Bolder Than Before, and wrote and published a couple of blog posts. Those are gone now, not because I’m not proud of them or don’t want them to be seen, but because I want a do over of sorts.

“Holes” has been one of my favorite songs for a while, but I didn’t really understand it until I was around 20. And even then, I don’t think I really really understood it until the last year. To fight bolder than before is to fight differently. It is to try a new thing to get to where you want to be. It is to do what you haven’t done but always knew you would need to do. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m trying to fight bolder than before.

I want to start blogging again because it makes me happy. Looking at the world with the perspective of trying to find good things to write about makes me happier. But I also want to share the hard things, the parts that lead to the growth. I’m working on a lot right now. A lot is hard. But a lot is also good. Here’s to all of it. Here’s to being bolder than before.